Page 78 of Commanding Blood And Bonds

Her fingers stilled. “What we did in that war camp…” I shook my head. “Was it really that different from what Kingsley’s accusing Kade of?”

“The Solskari weren’t a threat,” she said quietly. “They brought light—literally. They were entertainers. Artists. Joy incarnate. And they were slaughtered. It’s not the same.”

“But there’s still no victory in war. Only survivors.” I looked over at her. “We’re painted as monsters just for mourning both sides. And even Adrastos had reasons. Justifications. My first regression was Agincourt—I was a victor there. But I doubt the man who ran me through saw it that way.”

Ally’s brow furrowed.

“In that life, I took maybe a few dozen. In this one?” I exhaled. “It’ll be countless. Those two humans tonight—if your visions are right, they’re just the beginning.”

She hesitated. “Are you saying…do you think we’re on the wrong side?”

Her voice was almost a whisper and I flicked my gaze to hers. “You’re telling me his words didn’t resonate with you at any point?”

“No,” she admitted. “I’m not saying that. But his means are wrong,” she added quickly. “Stripping their freedom isn’t the answer, August. Protecting them is.”

I closed my eyes. “And what of the collateral?”

“The worst part of war,” she said. “But inevitable. You think you’re alone in wondering if someone innocent died in your wake?”

My hands tightened around the arms of the chair. “I never wanted to be a monster. Not in any life.”

Her hand dropped from my neck.

“Is…is that what you think of me?” she asked, voice breaking. “After everything I’ve done?”

“No.” I turned to her in an instant, reaching for her hands, lacing my fingers through hers. “Fuck, Ally. You risked your life for my family. For Freya. I’m not talking about the Renown. I’m talking about humans. Collateral. People who have no idea what we are, what’s coming.”

She searched my face, unsure.

“I’ve always been the blade in someone else’s hand,” I said, quieter now. “Enacting the will of mad kings and conquering tyrants. Not once did I want to. And now…” I broke off, pressing her knuckles to my lips. The words came slower, heavier. “Now I come back and everyone’s looking at me like some prophesied messiah. Born to bring peace. Damned to shed blood. And all I’ve ever wanted was to be remembered as The Healer. Not for my lightning. Not for what it destroys. Just for the mercy I might leave behind.”

Ally stared at me for a long time. When she finally spoke, her voice was stronger than mine. “Don’t confuse weakness with mercy,” she said. “You’re not destined to be harmless, August. Aren and Marcus—they’re the best Commanders in the world. Not because they’re less dangerous than Adrastos. But because they choose not to wield that danger until it’s the last option left.” Her fingers tightened around mine. “Let me equip you. Let me make you the most dangerous weapon on this planet and only then can you show the world what mercy looks like.”

I huffed a breath and let my forehead rest against her temple. “You sound like Aren.”

She smiled, just a little. “I’ll take that as a compliment.”

“You’d be better at this than I’ll ever be.”

“Time will tell. But I’m here. You’re not alone.”

I nodded, voice rough. “Together?”

“Always.”

The wind shifted again. Snow started falling in earnest, dusting the porch in white.

“Dressing for the elements wasn’t on my list tonight,” I muttered, trying to shake the cold from my bones. Ally pressed against me, warm and solid. Her fingers never letting go.

“I hope Freya’s doing better than we are,” I said.

But I wasn’t sure if I meant it as a joke or a prayer.

SIXTEEN

WHERE THE FUCK IS BACKUP?

FREYA