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An Abandoned Baby for the Duke

Page 97

by Ophelia Winslow

Whatever had begun as an arrangement had become something far more complicated and far more precious. She thought of Felix waiting two hundred miles away, of Louiza, of the proper wedding they had planned, and of the future that had once seemed frighteningly uncertain.

"I am so sorry," she continued, her voice softening as she studied his face. "You came so close to regaining control of what was rightfully yours. That portion of the estate under your uncle's name was the whole reason we married in the first place."

The words brought back memories of their strange beginning, of the abandoned baby on the road and James explaining his father's inheritance clause. Their marriage had been a solution to a problem, a clever arrangement that had seemed almost absurd at the time. She had agreed because she wanted to escape Boulton and save Louiza, while James needed a wife and an heir. Yet somewhere between those desperate circumstances and the present, Olivia had stopped thinking of their marriage as merely an arrangement. She had begun to think of it as hers.

James looked toward the tall windows, his expression distant. "I do not care about any of it," he said quietly. "The land. The wealth. The power. None of it matters."

Olivia stared at him, unable to understand.

Surely, he does not mean that? The estate had been his father's obsession, the thing James had schemed to try to reclaim, the reason he had accepted the extraordinary burden of pretending Felix was his legitimate son.

"You do not care?" she repeated, searching his face.

James shook his head. "No. I have spent too much of my life believing those things would make everything right. They will not."

Olivia felt something inside her sink. She knew she should have been relieved that James no longer cared about the estate, yet instead an entirely different thought seized her.

If he does not care about the land, the wealth or the power, then why would he need me now?

Her mind immediately returned to the carefully constructed plan that had brought them together.

James had intended to regain control of the estate once the inheritance clause was satisfied. But now the secret had been exposed, the Chancery claim threatened everything.

And if James no longer needs the estate, perhaps he no longer needs me?

Olivia's heart gave a painful twist at the thought. She hated herself for thinking it, yet she could not stop. Their marriage had begun because they each needed something from the other, and now those needs had changed.

Perhaps James had simply realized that there was nothing left tying them together.

"You need not worry about me, if things have changed," Olivia said suddenly, withdrawing her hand from his arm.

James looked at her in confusion. "What are you talking about?"

Olivia forced herself to smile, though she could feel tears beginning to sting her eyes. "I mean that I will not make things harder for you." She folded her hands tightly before her. "I can stay here in London with my sisters. Bethany and Louiza will help me, and I can raise Felix here. You can return to the life you knew before we wed, if that is your wish."

James stared at her as though she had spoken in another language. "Olivia," he began, but she shook her head, desperate to finish before her courage disappeared.

"You do not have to explain. I understand." She swallowed hard. "Our arrangement was made for a purpose, and that purpose has fallen apart. There is no reason for you to continue carrying the burden of me and Felix if you no longer want the estate."

The thought hurt so badly that she could barely breathe, but she forced herself to continue. "We have not consummated the marriage, so perhaps an annulment could be arranged."

The silence that followed was unbearable. Olivia kept her gaze lowered because she could not bear to see the relief or agreement she feared might appear upon his face. She told herself she was being sensible. She told herself she was giving him freedom. She told herself that this was what a practical woman would do when an arrangement had ceased to serve its purpose. Yet beneath all those sensible thoughts was a tiny, frightened voice begging him …

Please, please tell me I am wrong.

"I suppose," she whispered, "you deserve the chance to have your old life back." Her voice cracked despite her efforts. "You never asked for a wife like me. You never wanted children. You certainly never asked to become responsible for Felix." She wiped quickly at her cheek, angry with herself for crying. "I should never have imagined that perhaps you might want us for reasons beyond the arrangement."

James stepped toward her. "Olivia …"

"No," she said softly, raising one trembling hand. "Please let me finish." She looked up at him then, her eyes shining with tears. "I love Felix. I will always love him. I will protect him with everything I have. But I do not want to trap you into a marriage you no longer want simply because circumstances forced us into it." Her heart was breaking with every word, but she continued because she believed loving someone sometimes meant giving them the freedom to leave. "You have already given me more than I ever expected, James. You saved me from Boulton. You saved Louiza. You gave Felix a home. I will never forget any of it."

James's expression changed, but Olivia could not decipher it. She had become frightened of hope, because hope was what had made her believe that perhaps the cold, impossible duke might one day become her real husband in every sense of the word.

"I will go back to my sisters," she said quietly. "You can go back to Glenmore, and we can make certain Felix is cared for." She drew a shaky breath. "Perhaps that is what is best."

Yet even as the words left her mouth, Olivia knew she did not believe them. She did not want an annulment. She did not want to return to being merely his former wife in some neat arrangement recorded upon paper. She wanted the man who had held her hand in the darkest moments, who had kissed her when she confessed she feared she would never know what it meant to be a wife, who had looked at Felix and seen a child deserving of love rather than a problem to be solved. Most painfully of all, she wanted him to choose them when there was nothing left forcing him to do so.

James opened his mouth to speak but a loud banging on the front door stopped him. He opened it.