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He wanted to kiss her again, but he didn’t. He wouldn’t. One kiss had been a tease; he’d only made it worse for himself. If he kissed her again, he might not be able to step away, or perform his duty.

Her lips parted as her eyes widened. It seemed she was only now registering what had happened.

He cleared his throat. He ought to apologize, but the words were difficult to muster. He wasn’t sorry. Not at all. That one chaste kiss was likely the closest he’d ever get to Clara, and he would never regret it. It would stay with him forever.

“Why were you so sad?” he asked instead.

She blinked. “Was that why you kissed me? Because I was sad?”

“No.”

She seemed to be waiting for him to say more. “Then why did you kiss me?”

He licked his lips, his gaze darting away. Nothing but honesty would do with this woman. He was capable of little else. “Because I wanted to.”

“Oh.” Her lips seemed to freeze in an o of surprise.

“I should not have done it,” he said. It was the closest he could come to an apology for an act he did not regret, even though the memory would surely haunt him until he died.

“I’m glad you did.” Her voice was breathy. He wondered if she had any idea how tempting she sounded.

“You’re glad,” he repeated. He wasn’t quite certain whether he ought to believe her, but he’d long suspected that she felt it too. She’d never pulled away from their growing intimacy, their new friendship which felt like so much more.

“I am,” she said, a smile lighting her features.

He let out a long sigh of relief. “I did not want to offend you, or…” He swallowed the rest of his words, but as always she seemed to know what he was thinking.

“Or lead me on?” she said. A hint of bitterness entered her voice. “Do not worry, Alex. I know that I’m an unsuitable match for you. I know that this…” She gestured between them. “This is merely a distraction for you.”

“What?” Shock and horror had him jerking back a bit so he could see her better. Her eyes were startlingly serious. “No,” he said quickly. “This is not…that’s not what this…”

“It is all right,” she said softly. “I am not offended. I know you respect me, and I’m truly grateful. If I’m doomed to be a spinster, I am glad I’ve had one beautiful kiss in my lifetime.”

Her smile was so sad it made him want to pull her into his arms.

He did it. It might have been wrong, but he could not care. Not when she was hurting. “Don’t say that,” he said. “You are not doomed to anything. You are beautiful and spirited and intelligent—”

“And a scandal,” she finished, her voice muffled against his chest. “What prospects do I have?”

He gently pushed her away so he could see her eyes. He almost wished he hadn’t. The sadness there was nearly his undoing. “Is that why you were so sad before? Inside?”

She didn’t answer, but that was answer enough.

His chest ached so badly he’d do anything to ease this tension. Words threatened to escape—promises he couldn’t keep.

He couldn’t make her the kind of promises he wanted to, he couldn’t pledge to give her a future and a family and to take care of her as his wife.

But he could still take care of her. Davenport’s words still swirled in his head. Perhaps this was what he’d meant about finding the balance. He might have new responsibilities, but his new position also gave him more power. He could make things right for her.

“I will help you,” he said. “I promise you, Clara, my family and I will stand by you. I will provide a dowry for you just as I will for my sister and—”

“I could never ask that of you,” she started, alarmed at the mere thought.

“You are not asking. I am offering,” he said. His voice sounded too gruff, and he tried to soften it. He tried not to think about the fact that the dowry would be to lure another man. That he would be helping her find a husband. “I care about you, Clara. So does my Aunt Gertie and Tess—you are a part of our family, and I will ensure that you have every opportunity to—”

He stopped short. To what? Marry another? Did he truly intend to deliver her over to another man? Sit by in silence as she was wooed and wed by someone else?

“That is a kind offer,” Clara said. Her gaze didn’t quite meet his, and he wondered if her thoughts were following in the same vein. “But I am not your family, and it is not your duty. For you to do such a thing would only raise questions and cause speculation.”