Page 34 of Against All Odds

Chapter 15.

Raya

I was walking from the bike rack to the university building when I saw it. Lost in thought as usual, I would have missed it if not for a shimmer in the corner of my eye catching my attention. My breath caught. In the weak February sun gleamed two €50 banknotes, carelessly discarded on the steps – as if someone had lost them while rushing to class. Someone who needed it less than I did, probably. At least that was what I told myself as I kneeled down, cautiously glancing around to make sure no one was paying attention.

With trembling hands, I picked up the first banknote. Rolled it between my fingers. Tears sprang to my eyes.

My guardian angel was real… and she had kept her word.

Up until now, I wasn’t convinced that last night’s dream was anything but that – a dream. A vivid, strange one, but that was nothing new for me. I glanced down to count five fingers on each hand. Looked up, searching for a clock – and when I found none, I turned my gaze to the sky. Skies were often disturbed in dreams, the clouds swirling and turning unusual colors when I paid attention to them. But the sky smiled back at me, bright blue behind occasional clouds.

It was real. All of this was really fucking real.

I kissed both banknotes before putting them away in my wallet.

“Thank you,” I whispered. There was no way for me to know if she was watching right now – a thought equal parts comforting and unnerving.

Because now that Seren had kept her end of the deal, I had to keep mine, too.

Quitting alcohol and drugs wasn’t so hard. Despite what everyone thought, I only drank when I went out, and I only took drugs when I drank – so as long as I stayed home, I was fine.

The Ritalin, however, was harder to stay off.

Quitting cold turkey, after taking what was apparently twice the recommended dose for weeks, forced me to confront what I’d been denying: I was not just taking Ritalin to study. I was taking it to boost my dopamine and noradrenaline levels. It lifted my spirits temporarily, making me feel more energized, motivated, optimistic. Once it wore off, the weight of the world came back in full – pressing down on my shoulders heavier than before.

Without Rebekah, without pills, I had to find a different way to fill the void. Luckily, my dopamine-starved brain had found a new fixation.

Her.

The mysterious stranger who had visited me in my dream, claiming to be my guardian angel.

I wasn’t good at many things, but one talent I did have was drawing from memory. And so, the week following the strange dream was filled with caffeine, exams, and drawing. I spent every free moment drawing her – first with pencils and paper, then when I was satisfied with the results, I took my craft to my tablet. I paid excessive attention to her dark hair, tied up in those messy, uneven buns, her tight, black clothes that hugged her body, that intense gaze in her eyes. The eyes were the hardest to capture, but I was determined. I didn’t mind starting over and over again to get them right, because every moment I spent with her was a moment I didn’t have to think about anything else.

“Who is this beauty?”

I flinched at Kyle’s voice behind me. I’d been so caught up in my work, I hadn’t seen him coming.

“She’s a vision.” I turned my chair to smile at him. Though exam week was almost over, the library was fuller than usual as the canteen was still closed for repair and sanitization after the sewage break. At least we could talk a bit without getting shushed from all directions.

“A vision, hm?” Kyle pursed his lips, glancing down at the dozens of papers scattered across my desk. I had drawn her from various angles, in different outfits, full-body and portrait, but the eyes were always the same – intense, fixed, slightly narrowed. I still hadn’t managed to get her gaze just right, but the intention was there.

“Well, she seems to have taken up a good part of your mind.” He squinted. “Are you sure she’s not a real person? She seems… familiar somehow.”

I leaned back in the chair, lifting my most recent piece and squinting like he did. “What do you mean?”

“I don’t know. I swear I’ve seen her somewhere before… on television or something.”

“She came to me in a dream.” Shivering, I pulled my sweater tighter around myself. Even with three layers of clothing, my body wouldn’t stop trembling since I quit the damn pills.

“Hm.” Kyle nodded, not convinced. “Well, she’s a sight to behold. I’m sure if I had seen her somewhere, I would know.” After a quick hesitation, he pulled up one of the chairs and sat down beside me. “How are your exams going?”

“Just had my last one.” I exhaled slowly, taking a big sip of my coffee with unsteady hands. Seren hadn’t said anything about caffeine, but even five cups a day couldn’t replicate the focus Ritalin gave me. Still, I thought I had passed most of my exams. “They went alright, I think. What about yours?”

Kyle grimaced. “Pretty sure I’ll have to retake calculus.”

“Calculus sounds hard,” I agreed. “Like most of your subjects, honestly. Civil Engineering definitely wouldn’t be my first choice for a degree.”

“Well, it’s easy to find a job in that field.” The corner of his mouth quirked slightly upward. “Only two more years of suffering to make it through.”