Page 52 of Sanctuary After Dark

Squeezing Elias to me more, I buried my face into his hair and inhaled his clean scent. He smelled like our shampoo and body wash.

After we left the woods and made it back to our room, I stripped him of his wet clothes while he stood there sniffling. His eyes were red and puffy, and he couldn't look at us right now. Luke ran a bath with soothing oils and salts, and once we were both naked as well, we ushered him into the hot water where he climbed into my lap and clung to me again. Thankfully, our bathtub could fit all three of us comfortably, but Elias clung to my neck as I held him in my lap.

None of us said anything as Luke and I washed him, leaving soothing touches along his skin as his tense body started to relax again.

Luke herded us towards our bed after our bath and tucked us both in before joining us and feeding us both snacks that I'm sure Raven put together for us. Elias just sat between my legs and opened his mouth when Luke said to take some fruit before chewing and swallowing.

Our boy was drained. He didn't even have the energy to speak. Once the snacks were gone, he snuggled between us and immediately fell into a deep sleep.

Luke and I said nothing as we lay there and just held him. My brother's hand reached out for me and laced our fingers together to let me know he was there for me as well. And I knew he was. He always would be.

But that didn't stop the guilt from crashing down on me.

I hated saying those things to Elias. They tasted like acid on my tongue, but I wouldn't have gotten the reaction that we needed if I hadn't.

He needed to get his anger out and to come to terms that there was nothing else he could have done to survive Jack. He had done everything that he could at the time. None of it was his fault.

However, the look on his face when I called him pathetic burned into my brain, and it made me sick.

The hurt that was in his eyes and the utter shock that I would say that to him wrapped around my heart and practically strangled me. I almost safeworded because I wasn't sure if I could keep going. But the anger that replaced the shock was what I had been looking for, and I was so fucking proud of him when he got in my face and started berating me.

I took every hit, scratch, and kick as he fought me. I took in every word he shouted at me. All the trauma he was holding onto, I took it all so he didn't have to carry it anymore. So he didn't have the crushing weight of it holding him down.

I was his Daddy. It was my job to help him carry his burdens so he could let go and feel safe. So he could be the carefree boy we had only gotten glimpses of so far.

But now the weight of it felt like it was crushing me.

My heart was racing, like my mind, and my breathing picked up a bit. Luke squeezed my hand, pulling my attention to him.

"Come on..."

I watched him as he pulled away from Elias and climbed out of bed. He stopped at the door to our bathroom and looked back at me with a raised brow.

Sighing, I turned and pressed a kiss to Elias's curls before I pulled away and followed my brother.

Stepping into the bathroom, I watched him as he turned the shower on and stripped out of his boxer briefs. I did the same, and he nudged me into the shower stall and under the spray.

"Luke… I'm fine."

"Humor me."

I wasn't fine, though, and he knew it.

He nudged me again, so that I was leaning against the tiled wall behind me. The cold was a shock to my heated skin, and I sucked in a sharp breath.

Luke said nothing as he grabbed the body wash and started to wash my body gently.

The quiet between us let my mind wander more as I kept running through everything, the guilt eating at me as I ran my hands through my hair, tugging on it.

How could Elias trust me again after what I said?

I had worked so hard to earn his trust. I knew how easy it was to lose it, too. Even though I knew this was necessary, my heart broke as I realized that it might have broken something between us.

"He still trusts you, Linc."

A broken sob sounded from my throat as I opened my mouth to protest, but the words caught in my throat as I shook my head. Leave it to Luke to know exactly what I was thinking, though. To know that I wasn't alright and where my mind was going. Surely, I had lost Elias. There was no way that I could think he would ever trust me again.

Luke kept washing my body while I sucked in shaky breaths and let the tears fall down my cheeks. The thought of losing Elias was utterly destroying me, and I realized I had fallen in love with him.