Page 28 of Sanctuary After Dark

Elias blinked for a moment and turned to look at me. His brows furrowed in thought, and he glanced at the stage and then back at me. He looked as if he wanted to say something but couldn't get it out. I stayed silent and let him work it out himself, not pushing him until he was comfortable answering. After a few moments, his eyes hardened with determination mixed with slight apprehension.

"I… I want to do that."

My heart jumped a little when I heard him. I wasn't expecting that to come from him at all. I was expecting questions and maybe to see the ropes or to go talk to Liam and Elijah. But I wasn't expecting him to want to try it. I could tell by the looks on Lincoln's and Alec's faces that they hadn't expected it either.

"Are you sure, sweetheart? I'd be more than happy to wrap you up in my ropes. But I want you to be sure."

My boy worried his lower lip again between his teeth before he caught himself and freed it before I could. When had I started referring to him as my boy?

He took a breath and nodded.

"Please, Sir? Can you tie me up?"

My heart soared as those words left his perfect, plump lips. I hadn't thought that I would have the chance, but Elias kept surprising me. Reaching forward, I cupped his cheek with my hand, and he leaned into the touch, nuzzling against my palm for a moment.

"I'd love to turn you into a proper little rope bunny, sweetheart."

Chapter 10

We stayed on the couch while everyone moved around before dispersing, Lincoln holding onto my ankle while Lucas had his arm wrapped around my shoulders. Like they were anchoring me. I always felt better when I was with them. I could feel myself wanting to regress and be Little. To slip into that space where I didn't have to make any decisions and I could just hand it over to them.

And I wanted to.

The more time I spent with them, the more I wanted to hand over control to them. I was starting to trust them, and that terrified me.

The logical part of my brain told me I could trust them. That they would take care of me and keep me safe. They would respect my limits and safewords and that I didn't have to be scared to let go with them. They would take charge and I could just let go. I could drop the filters and turn my brain off.

But the traumatized part of me told me to push them away. To run from them because I had trusted someone before and I had been wrong about him. I thought that he would protect me as well, and he did nothing but hurt me over and over again.

It was the fight-or-flight response that Alec and I had talked about in our sessions. I knew that. And I knew I could trust Lincoln and Lucas. Or, I was starting to trust them. They had been proving that to me from the moment I had arrived here at The Sanctuary.

So, as I watched Liam tying his boy up and explaining all the different things about compression therapy and somatic stillness, and the parasympathetic nervous system, I couldn't help but long for that.

I was wound so tight all the time because I was always on alert. I was always looking for danger. So the thought of letting my nervous system finally be able to relax, had me yearning for it and thinking about if I could trust Lucas to tie me up.

I watched the communication between Liam and his sub, and it was such a beautiful sight. I saw the love and trust reflected in both of their eyes. The way Elijah looked at Liam like he was his world. I had seen the same look on Raven's face when I watched them together.

It had my heart hurting because I wanted that. I wanted someone who would look at me that way and whom I could look at that way. Someone who treasured me and treated me like I was something precious. Like I was worthy of protecting. Someone to love me.

When I felt Lucas's lips press to the skin of my temple and how Lincoln's thumb brushed along the inside of my ankle, I realized that I could have that. But not just with one person, but with two. Two men who were identical in looks but completely different in personality. Two men who were patient with me and didn't push me unless I needed it.

Like at the cookout over the weekend.

I had been so scared to show my scars. For people to see them and question them or find them ugly. But I also knew that I couldn't keep hiding forever. I just didn't know how to take the first step. I didn't know how to open up and let people in anymore. Then Lucas took control and suggested I wear a swim shirt with my shorts.

Something so simple, but it meant so much to me.

When he made that suggestion, it was as if I could take a breath again. He wasn't forcing me to show off all of my scars, but he was giving me a path to start on by showing some of them. He was guiding me to be better. To be braver.

And with that little boost of bravery, I had had so much fun.

I made new friends and joined in on some games they were playing. I had let my guard down and let Lucas and Lincoln both dote on me and care for me, and it felt so freeing. Like I was finally getting back to the real Elias.

I used to be such a social butterfly before. I was boisterous and loud. I had so many friends and was always the one to suggest a game or to tell a joke. I was confident and happy. I missed that version of me.

With that thought in mind, I knew I could be brave again.

I didn't need Lucas or Lincoln to take this step for me. I knew I could do it on my own, and I wanted to so badly. So I told Lucas that I wanted to try rope bondage, and the look on his face was everything I had been hoping for.