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I tilt into the kiss, deepening the contact between us before pressing my tongue between her lips to beg for entrance.

When she opens to me, I swear the heavens unlock. Clouds that have followed me half my life dissipate, letting light shine through like a beacon of hope.

But I can’t be hopeful, not when I know it’ll all fall apart.

Like it always does.

She can leave this place.

She can move on when she finds out the truth, and when that happens, I can’t follow her.

I have too much at stake here.

I have too much to manage.

I can’t leave him.

“We should stop,” she says, whimpering when my hand finds the inside of her thigh to knead my fingers into her flesh through her leggings. “Don’t do that.”

“Don’t do what?” I whisper, kissing her and repeating the action on her other thigh, relishing the languid moan that escapes her and rumbles into our kiss.

“I can’t think straight when you’re touching me. Don’t… Oh, God,” she finishes when my hand slides higher, tickling over the fabric, keeping me from slipping fingers through her center.

I want nothing more than to know how wet my kiss has made her.

“Tell me to stop again, and I will,” I whisper, cupping her sex in my hand, feeling the warmth radiating from it.

“You’re not playing fair,” she whines.

The realization that she’s right slams into me, and I pull away from her lips, slowly retracting my hand into my lap to shield her from the massive erection pressing against my zipper. “Fuck, I’m sorry. I’m normally not this way.”

Her breathing is erratic, her pupils blown wide, and a flush in her cheeks makes me ache to explore more of her body and see if it’s painted the same way.

“It’s okay. It’s fine. I just need a minute…” She stands, adjusting her leggings, and I fight a grin at the discomfort I caused as she escapes to the bathroom.

I clean up, and when she doesn’t reappear, I knock on the bathroom door to let her know I’m heading out for the night.

She answers with a mewling “Drive safe,” and I’m left wondering what the fuck she’s doing behind that closed door, but I cool my forehead on the wood for a moment, hear nothing untoward, and sigh as I leave her room.

Before leaving the house, I make my way to the basement to see if Lucien’s in the mood for visitors, but his room is locked, and the sound of scream-o blasts through the door loud enough to tell me he won’t hear my knocking.

I really wish he’d come around one of these days, because we all might not be so fucking miserable.

But there’s happiness, and then there’s my life.

13

CATACLYSM

SERAPHINE

Stepping out of the bathroom, I breathe shakily, my heart racing.

Kyrin’s gone, and my eyes scan around the house for the ghost of whoever spoke to me earlier; his haunting tone still lingers in my psyche like an echo.

Kissing Kyrin, his hands on me, was enlivening, and I wanted more.

I wanted it all.