Page 40 of A Tragic Melody

“You aren’t. You only think you are.” She sits beside me, laying against the arm of the couch and sliding her feet into my lap. Her high heels land roughly on my thigh. “It’s just an act, though. You may walk around with your head held high, but the truth is you are just like the rest of us.”

“How so?”

“You’re scared of losing your one shot at glory.”

“I’m not scared.” It’s a half-lie, but she doesn’t need to know that. “If I lose my shot, I know what’s waiting for me.”

“What’s that?” She studies me.

“You know.” I grin. “You’ve already guessed it.” Her lips press together, brows scrunching as a puzzled look takes over her pretty face. “A grave,” I clarify.

“God. That’s depressing.” She sighs. “But I’ll attend your funeral with bells and whistles. Make a nice speech about how the world is a better place without Mr. Full-of-Himself in it.”

“Don’t you want to be full of me?” She leans back, hugging her stomach as a hard laugh comes out. “Heard that one before?”

“Yes.” She smirks. “But I would very much like to be full of you. What about you? Do you want to fuck me? Can you picture it, Wyatt? Watching me ride your cock? Does that image get you hard?”

“No. I don’t get hard from pretty girls.”

“Are you gay?”

“I’m not gay, but I’m not straight. I get hard off secrets. Secrets and vulnerability. I told you this already, don’t you remember?”

“Uh,” she groans. “Vulnerability? What’s that?”

“Human connection. Something you aren’t capable of.”

She giggles. “You are such a softie. But fine. You want vulnerability? Secrets and connection? I can give you that, but then I’d have to kill you.”

“Isn’t that your plan? Why not make it fun?”

“Fun? My kind of fun isn’t something you partake in anymore.”

“Drugs aren’t fun. You and I both know that. They are just a Band-Aid over a bullet wound. A distraction. An escape from the pain. But we could have some real fun, Tuesday. Fuck around and find out. Literally.”

“Okay.” She sits up, moving so she is kneeling beside me. “You have yourself a deal, Wyatt.”

“Yeah?”

“We can start tonight.” She ruffles up my hair. “I’ll give you a secret and an ounce of vulnerability, and you can give me your dick.” She pushes herself off the couch. “And I’ve been thinking, I don’t want Lenny to play with me ever again. I want you up there with me. I sent you the notes, so I’m sure you’ll be fine. Just know, for every mistake you make, there is a price to pay.” She turns, but glances over her shoulder for a moment. “Let the fun begin.”

I watch her walk away, knowing I’m playing a dangerous game. She will continue to try and ruin me. I’m not opposed to having my life destroyed on her terms, but what she doesn’t know is that I’m going to go down swinging.

I want to feel bad for her. Clearly everyone in her life has done her wrong, used her. She thinks she has some power, and she does, but there is a limit. All the power she has rests on her giving someone else what they want. She can only sway Hendricks because he wants to fuck her. Besides that, she really doesn’t have any say in what happens to her.

I understand why she hides behind drugs. I think it makes her pathetic, but I see her logic. Why would she want to be sober when her life is so far outside her control? She is fighting, just like the rest of us, to stay in the spotlight. Who knows what happens to her if she falls out of favor? Between her mother and Hendricks, there is probably enough dirt to level her.

Dirt I hope to uncover. Because if she still plans on ruining me, I’m going to make sure our fates are entwined. Eventually she will spill her secrets, especially after I fuck her senseless, and I’ll keep track of them all. Stockpile them so when she tries to be my undoing, I have an arsenal of weapons to use against her.

They talk about taking an eye for an eye, and I fully plan on doing that.

It didn’t need to be like this. We could’ve teamed up, but now I see that’s not happening. She has accepted her tragic fate. Sunk into it. While I fell and wanted to get back up again, she is perfectly fine being in freefall. Rock bottom for the both of us is losing the spotlight, but for me, it’s losing my morals, too. She couldn't care less about having morals. She prefers being high over being a good person.

That could all be a product of her upbringing, or even her current surroundings, but the point is she doesn’t try to get better. I don’t think she’ll ever want to get better. She just wants to pump herself full of substances so she doesn’t have to feel her defeat.

It’s disgusting, and frankly I refuse to feel bad for fighting dirty now.

Ideally as I built my pile of weapons off her secrets, I can help her. My hope is once she goes to attack and realizes the explosion will take her out, too, she will see how far she has fallen.