Page 19 of Bent, Not Broken

“You said that on purpose,” he accused.

“No. You’ve just got a guilty conscience,” I whispered back.

Not long after, we wrapped things up with King and Casper, and we were back in the office. The sun was getting long in the windows, and now that lunch was past, all I could think about was the end of the day. I had trouble concentrating on my computer screen. West was gone so I couldn’t distract myself by annoying him. That sucked. I finished up emailing people about the building permit, and then found myself nearly crawling out of my skin with the need to leave.

Maybe if I beg River nicely? Bet he knows all about begging. I made myself laugh as I went over and knocked on his door. I was feeling extra loopy and obnoxious, and that was saying something.

“What?” He didn’t sound mad, more resigned. That was good. He’d already accepted I would be bothering him.

“Boss?” I tapped my fingers across the smooth wood of the door between us. “Got a second?” My insides were squirming with an anxious anticipation. I needed to go. I wanted to go. If I stayed here one more minute—

“Come in.”

I opened the door, stepped in, and then closed it behind myself even though we were already alone. Tiredly, I walked over to sink into the chair across from his wide desk. He pretended for a second like he was going to keep working, even going so far as to tilt his computer screen as if looking for a better angle.

Taking a deep breath, I rubbed my hands against my knees and stared at him.

He sighed. “Go ahead.”

“Do you think it’s possible for a man to be straight and mess around with a guy? Or if he says that, does he just not want to date you? Or what?” The words punched their way out of me.

River moved his hands from his keyboard, and I swear his right eye twitched. “This is what we’re doing this afternoon?”

I shrugged.

“Do I look like your therapist?” He rubbed a thumb along the scruff on his jaw.

“Come on. Just answer the question.”

He groaned and closed his laptop. “That’s dangerous grounds to tread. Why would I answer such a loaded query?”

“Humor me.”

River picked up a stack of lime green Post-It notes and tossed them aside while he tried to intimidate me away with a glare, which was about as efficient for him as anyone else who’s ever tried that on me. “Okay, counselor,” he said carefully, after about a minute of silence. “I have something for you, but it’s not an answer.”

Grinning, I crossed my legs and got comfortable. “Hit me.”

“It’s personal. You can’t get all weird.”

“I asked a personal question.”

He nodded and fiddled around with the stack of sticky notes again before he glanced up at me. His blue eyes sparkled, and I could almost feel the tension crackling between us. He licked his lips and sighed. “I like to jerk off to those anime girls with the huge dicks every once in a while, when Pornhub gets stale.”

My laughter started out as a small snicker, and I tried to hold it in, but I covered my face with my hands and lost it. I laughed until it was difficult to catch my breath, and when I peeked between my hands, he sat there, calmly watching me. “O—okay.” I hiccupped and laughed some more, but this time I was able to stop.

“And for some reason,” he went on, as if he hadn’t just broken me, “the bigger the tits that go along with that cock, the better. There’s something about it.”

My lip hurt with how hard I had to bite it to keep from going into another laughing fit.

“But, I don’t like tits in real life. I’m not attracted to women at all—and I don’t even like to watch the chicks-with-dicks porn. Those massive anime cocks the size of my forearm? I wouldn’t want that in my ass in real life, either, but I like to think about it. It’s fantasy.”

Leaning forward, I gripped the edge of his desk and breathed deep until I was able to actually ask my next question. “What if you found that, though? Would you do it?”

He shrugged. “Who knows. I don’t even think an elephant has a dick as big as what they draw on those girls.” His face flushed, but he sniggered too. “If a guy crosses over from thinking and looking, to touching, he might be gay, but that doesn’t mean anything beyond splooge-and-run. That’s about all a guy can count on in the scenario you presented.” He gave me an askew glance that had the back of my neck prickling.

“Yeah, of course.”

River sighed and leaned forward until his forehead rested on his desk. He stayed there for a few seconds and then sat back up. “Madden.”