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But despite the seamless end to the evening, I couldn’t help but remember how it started. Alexander was slowly tipping the scales in his favor—and it was terrifying.

I was apprehensive about the slew of woman’s clothing hanging in his closet, clothes I could not bring myself to think of as mine. I had concerns over accepting the necklace, which I was sure cost a small fortune. And while the clothes and the necklace may simply be material things, it was hard not to think of them as something more.

I glanced down at the emblem still hanging around my neck. The sapphires sparkled, reflecting the moonlight streaming in through the windows. It was a beautiful piece, but I knew it would probably be best to give it back to him. It may be a symbol of the BDSM world, but to me, it was more like Alexander was putting his stamp on me. It served as another reminder of how fast we were taking things. We were moving at a breakneck speed, and it was more than just a little bit troubling.

Just that very morning, I promised Allyson I wouldn’t get in too deep. In fact, it wasn’t just an assurance I’d given to Allyson, but it was a personal vow I had made to myself. Yet here I was, ready to blindly fall. I couldn’t shake the nagging worry I still may be subconsciously clinging to the hope of someday finding that white picket fence.

The idea made me feel edgy. Restless.

I rolled over, facing away from Alexander. He stirred but didn’t wake. I punched at the pillow, but my efforts to get comfortable were not working.

Happily ever after will never happen, Cole.

After all, I was the one to set the rules. I had been blatantly clear about no strings attached. The time I spent with Alexander was supposed to be a small step to putting the past behind me, not some massive leap that would leave me fumbling to find my footing again.

I flipped over onto my back and stared at the ceiling.

There was still too much Alexander didn’t know about me, and I barely knew a thing about him. He lived in a clandestine world of kink and sex clubs, where everything was one giant secret that I couldn’t be privy to. He spoke of domination and said it was my duty to submit to his every need. But what he said he wanted was confusing to me, as his actions showed something completely different. He catered to my every whim, striving to please me at every step, while I gave him nothing but push back out of fear he would eventually change me.

However, I saw the shift in Alexander during the short time we were together, and I was very conscious that it was me who was unintentionally changing him. Whether he was aware of what was happening or not, no good could come from it either way.

What had begun on shaky ground was shaping up to be something more—something I didn’t want. And I was fairly certain Alexander didn’t want it either. I felt like I was being pushed, lost in a colossal storm of emotions I wasn’t ready to feel. I knew it was time to take a giant step back. If I didn’t, I sensed it wouldn’t be long before I slipped and fell from the ledge.

Chapter Thirty-Six

Alexander

It had been a stimulating morning, making the letdown for the next two days that much worse. Before dawn, I awoke to the feel of Krystina’s warm body spooned tightly against mine. Never one to miss an opportunity, I seized the moment and made sure to leave her with a farewell neither of us would forget about during my absence. Unfortunately, there was no sex for obvious reasons. Instead, we kissed and caressed in ways that were surprisingly fulfilling. It was another first for me and a completely unique experience in itself.

The early morning hours I had spent with her almost seemed surreal as I climbed aboard the Airbus ACJ318. Hale was already on the private jet when I arrived, neatly stowing our travel bags into an overhead compartment.

“Morning, Hale.”

“Good morning, sir.”

“If my speech is in with those bags, take it out for me. I want to review it one more time before we get to Boston.”

“Already done. It’s in a folder right over there,” he said, pointing to a corner end table in the spacious lounge area of the plane. “I think Laura made a few adjustments to it.”

I went over to the table to review the contents. Laura had made quite a few changes, and I was thankful for her sharp eye. The speech was a couple of years old and had needed updating. If I’d had more notice, I would have written a new one.

Satisfied Laura had done it justice, I tucked it inside the folder and turned back to Hale.

“I assume the flight will be leaving on time?”

“Yes, sir. I just confirmed it with the pilot. The trip to Boston should be a smooth one. However, we may encounter an issue on the return flight. There’s a bad storm moving in overnight. It’s the remnants of a hurricane that’s traveling up the coast.”

“Monitor the situation and make other travel arrangements for the return trip home if needed. I want to be back no later than eight o’clock Friday evening.”

“Yes, sir.”

“Did you have time to arrange the delivery I emailed you about this morning?”

“Vivian will be setting it up this afternoon,” Hale informed me. “You should get an email confirmation as soon as it’s received.”

“Excellent. Oh, and I meant to ask you. How is your mother settling in?”

“Very well. I appreciate your help in securing her placement. After the fall she took, I can rest easier knowing she’s getting the proper care. Thank you again.”