Page 12 of Bratva Menace

Autumn dunked a fry into some gravy and put it into her mouth, slurping it off her fingers.

“There’s a knife and fork right beside you,” my father gritted out behind clenched teeth. Although he seemed annoyed by Autumn’s eating habits, I didn’t think he was as irritated as he was trying to pretend to be—he was still twirling that loose strand of hair around his fingers, even as he glared at the back of her head.

I hid my smirk behind my hand. Oh, this is just too good.

“Is there? Huh.” She continued to dump the fries into the gravy as if my father hadn’t spoken at all.

I could hear his jaw grinding from across the table.

“Your grandfather will be suspicious of me,” he continued, throwing her one more scowl she couldn’t see before focusing entirely on me. There was a stiffness in his shoulders that I suspected was because of what we were discussing, and not Autumn’s abhorrent, albeit hilarious, eating habits. “He will most likely have me followed very closely, so I can have no part in this. You must do it on your own. But I will watch and have your back.”

“I know.” A thought plagued my mind, and my father, being the annoyingly observant man he was, saw it instantly.

His brows creased together slightly before he stopped playing with Autumn’s hair and moved closer, placing his elbows on the table. “What’s troubling you?” Father asked, voice soft. He leaned forward, his entire focus on me, and I couldn’t lie…It was unsettling as fuck.

It wasn’t like my father ignored me, but up until recently, he hadn’t really taken me seriously either. The same went for my siblings, except their views on me hadn’t changed like my father’s had.

It was that fight that did it.

Although, “fight” wouldn’t really be the correct word for it, I supposed.

I’d made a joke. A stupid, inappropriate joke like I always did. But that time, it had come back and bitten me right in the ass.

We could all see how much Father cared for Autumn, but he hadn’t been ready to see or admit it himself. So, when I’d called Autumn his girlfriend, he snapped. Threw me up against the wall by my throat and almost made me pass out.

That wasn’t what hurt the most, though. Physical injuries were second nature to me, and occurred almost daily, thanks to rigorous training and normal Bratva shit.

It had been his words.

“Why do you have to say every stupid thing that pops into your head?”

“Why couldn’t you for once—just for once—keep your mouth shut?”

His words had cut deeper than any blade. Hurt more than any gunshot wound I’d endured before.

My humor wasn’t a mask. An act I put on. It was just…me. I liked to make people laugh. Everyone in my life was so fucking serious all the time. Not that I blamed them. We teetered on the edge of life and death every goddamn day. That required being serious sometimes.

But if your life was filled with nothing but serious moments, you weren’t really enjoying your life, were you?

So, yeah, I fucked around a lot. Cracked jokes at inappropriate times to make people smile and forget their own shit for a moment. If I didn’t do it, who the fuck else was going to?

It’d been a mistake, though. My words had triggered an avalanche of guilt inside my father, and he’d crumbled under the pressure of it. He’d hurt me. Hurt Autumn. Not physically, but mentally. Emotionally. And in some ways, that could be just as damaging.

Although Father had apologized, sincerely and numerous times, his words had stuck with me, weighing me down like an anchor in the ocean, no matter how many times he’d told me he was sorry.

Knock, knock.

From my bed, I rolled my head lazily to look at the door. Darkness surrounded me. I didn’t feel like talking. I didn’t feel like moving. I just wanted everyone to leave me alone and let me sleep.

That feeling…that aching sadness in my soul…I had never experienced anything like it before. I knew what the cause was. My father’s words rang through my head on repeat every minute, every second, making it impossible to focus on anything else. There was no stopping it.

My heart hurt, and I couldn’t stop tears from building behind my eyes. I knew my humor was a lot to handle. That I was a lot to handle. But never in my wildest dreams did I ever think my father would snap like that. Would hate me so much that he would pin me to the wall and almost make me pass out from choking me.

I wondered why I was like that.

Why I couldn’t just be normal. Why I couldn’t be more like Aleksandr, strong and dependable. Or like Nikolai, smart and cunning. They would never fuck up like me. They would never let the family down.

And yet, that was all I seemed to do.