Page 17

I’m taking a spoonful of the warm stew that’s been prepared for us when Reno asks, “So, you don’t need your kneecap back?”

He’s not looking at me, eyes fixed on his bowl. I almost choke on my stew, but I guess it’s a fair question, even if it’s a surprising way to ask if it can be put back in place.

“Nah, you can keep it,” I answer, immediately cringing at my poor attempt to crack a joke.

Reno looks up at me, swallowing hard. “Really? You wouldn’t mind if I… Never mind.”

“Wait, you actually want to keep it?” I assumed he’d want to get rid of it as soon as possible, along with everything else that would remind him of his time with the Raiders.

He shrugs. “I don’t know, it’s just… I kind of got used to it, you know? It felt kind of comforting back there, so… Forget it. Forget I said anything. It’s weird. I’ll throw it away.”

“No.” I shake my head, a weird flurry of emotion swirling inside my belly. “No, I get it. Keep it. It’s like a way to reclaim what they did, right? And it kind of means I didn’t lose my kneecap for nothing if it helps you. I like that. And I have a piece of you with me too,” I add, my eyes lingering on the scar on his abdomen, hoping that it will help him feel less weird.

“Okay. Yeah.” Reno nods, caressing his necklace. “Yeah. That’s a nice way to think about it.”

I can’t believe it. Could that mean he sees me as more than just some random guy? Could he actually be interested in me? I don’t know, but I think it’s high time I talk to him. I’ve seen him at his most vulnerable. It’s only fair I learn to be vulnerable with him too.

Anne walks into the room before I can decide, her arms full of clothes. “Here, I thought you’d like to change,” she says as she puts them down on a chair. “How are you feeling?”

“A lot better, thank you.” I smile gratefully. “I really needed some food.”

“What about you?” She turns to Reno. He seems surprised.

“Oh, erm, I’m fine, I guess. I feel like I’ve been trampled by a whole herd of horses, and my ass looks like a fucking gaping wound, but I’m alive, so I guess I can’t complain.”

So, he’s still being crude and salacious, but it sounds more like the way he acted before the Raiders and not the act he had to put on for them. That’s good. At least, I hope it is.

“Of course you can complain,” Anne answers. “You have every right to.” Reno looks at her like she’s speaking in tongues but doesn’t say anything. She continues, “I wanted to let you both know that Dornao has been found guilty of rape and high treason. It turns out he was conspiring with Cirail and planning to join the Raiders soon. He and the men who accompanied him have been demoted from their position as guards and will be banished from Elign. You won’t have to worry about seeing them again.”

“Really? That’s amazing!” I beam. I had been worried about having to see those people every day after what they did to Reno. And Reno… I couldn’t even imagine what that would have been like for him. “Thank you, Anne.”

“Don’t thank me,” she smiles. “Thank Clea. It’s her testimony added to yours that convinced the council. She fought hard to make sure people knew the truth.”

I turn to Reno. “Can you believe that? We really can leave this whole thing behind now.”

Reno Thiers

I’m not sure how much I want to leave this whole thing behind. I should, I really should. I’m beyond relieved to learn that I won’t have to see that fucker Dornao and his fucking lapdogs ever again, and I’d rather die than go back to the Raiders, but leaving it all behind sounds a lot like I’m going to be leaving Nasir behind too. Or rather, like he’s going to be leaving me behind. He has his life, his friends. I’ll go back to being someone in the background, just a guy he knows. Someone he’s friendly to when he happens to see me, but that’s it. The only thing I’ll have left will be his kneecap around my neck. Shit, how fucked up is that?

I just can’t bear the thought of going back to my small, empty quarters and sleeping alone in my cold bed. It should sound like a dream after everything, and it’s much better than the ground, but actually, abuse aside, I think I’d take the floor over my bed at any time if it means Nasir’s holding me in his arms, keeping me warm and safe.

Fuck. That’s exactly why I knew I had to be careful not to catch feelings. All it can do is get me hurt.

Anne leaves the room, and I hurry to tear off my stupid jester outfit to get back into my old clothes: a pair of linen pants and a dark grey long-sleeved shirt. Nasir does the same, trading his ruined shirt for a green one that fits him perfectly.

Fuck, here I go again.

Might as well rip the band aid off. “So, I guess this is goodbye then.” I look up at Nasir. “Time to go home. I’ll see you around, yeah?”

Nasir runs a hand through his beautiful, curly dark hair—fuck, I can’t keep thinking like that.

“I mean, we both need some rest, yeah.” Nasir looks away, and I can tell he wants to add something, but I have no clue what it could be. “I… I don’t really feel like being alone right now.”

“Oh.” Yeah, that makes sense. I don’t want to be alone either. “Anne will surely let you sleep at her place, right? Or that medic you’re always with, Mira.”

“Yeah, I guess.” He doesn’t look too happy about it, though. “Reno?”

My heart does a stupid little summersault when he calls my name. I can’t help but hope that he’ll ask me to stay with him instead, even though I know he won’t. “Yeah?”