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“Sometimes it’s just easier to smile and get on with it, look happy.” Several tears fled through her eyelashes.

Watching them slip toward her mouth, Ben’s eyebrows creased.

“I keep up appearances at school, at work. I don’t let the cracks show, and it’s a full-time job.” She sniffed. “So, I post happy photos on social media, lie about how I’m feeling, and push on. Truth is, I feel drained. I feel like a fake.” She wiped away more tears. “I haven’t been happy for a while.”

His thumb paused then continued to stroke her knee. “But that’s understandable…with your mom…”

“Yeah, that’s part of it, but I had times like this when I was a kid. Before Mom was sick, maybe even before Dad left. I don’t know, maybe I sensed something wasn’t right between them? But it’s weird. Sadness sometimes twists into loneliness—even when I’m with friends. Things I love don’t interest me or cheer me up. Sometimes the dark clouds last a day, sometimes for weeks. And then, I get angry for feeling this way, but I can’t climb out. It’s like quicksand.” She inhaled a stuttering breath. “So, I do the next best thing—pretend, and I think if I pretend hard enough, something will click into place and I’ll feel happier. It rarely works, though…”

“Do you talk to your mom about it?”

“Sometimes. When I was a teenager, she made me—” She bit her cheek. Am I rambling too much?

“You can tell me, Riley. I won’t judge.”

She took a deep breath. “I saw a psychologist. He diagnosed me with smiling depression.”

Ben’s eyebrows disappeared into his hair. “Smiling…?”

“I know, right? Sounds like a joke, but it’s real—smiling on the outside when you’re lost and crumbling inside.”

“Smiling depression…wow.” His hand left her knee, drifting to his chin, where it scratched aimlessly. “I’ve never heard that before.”

“Seriously, Google it.” She sniffed and tucked the used tissue in her tote. “I don’t like talking about it with Mom—she has enough to deal with. I don’t want her more stressed, worrying about me. I have to be strong for her.” Her eyes drifted to three sparrows sunbathing on the rock, falling silent for a beat. “I don’t get into it with my friends, either. I mean, Piper and Casey know, but that’s it.”

“Not Erika?”

Riley shrugged. “It’s not something you share openly in high school. I felt embarrassed, I guess…kinda still do. Erika’s my oldest friend, but…”

“Not necessarily the closest?”

She nodded. “She’s more of a good-time friend, you know? The one who’s there for shopping, parties, meeting guys…but she isn’t the most reliable when things turn sour.”

“So, why tell me? I mean, I’m glad you did…”

“I don’t know. Maybe because you know what it’s like to feel a bit different from everyone else with your Scottish accent, your dyslexia…” Her eyes roamed the cloudless sky. “Sometimes it’s easier to talk to someone who hasn’t known you forever.”

He smiled, his gaze slowly traveling from her eyes up to her hair and back again. “Well…thank you.”

“For what?”

“Trusting me with something so important. It means a lot.” He leaned forward, zipping his lips. “I won’t tell a soul.”

“You don’t know anyone.” She smiled, watching the sparrows chirp and flutter, dipping their beaks in the ice cream puddle. “Oh…except the Eggplant.”

“And public nudity aside, he’s a very private and discreet bloke!” Ben laughed. “But I mean it. I think it’s brave, you telling me.”

“Oh, you want brave, you should meet my mom.”

“I’d love to. She sounds brilliant.” He squinted into the sun and turned back to her. “So, your dream of working in California…you’re not going with Piper, are you? Not yet. Your heart’s here—with your mom.”

He sees me. She nodded. “I’m not going anywhere until I know she’ll be okay. She’s my best friend—she’s everything to me. It’s always just been me and her against the world. I can’t lose her, Ben, I just can’t…” Fresh tears threatened her lashes, but she held them at bay. “Third time lucky. She’s strong. She can beat it. It’s just so unfair that she has to go through it all over again.”

Ben blew out his cheeks. “You’ve really been through a lot.”

He gets it. “So have you. We’ve all got scars.”

“Yeah, I guess. I think sometimes the scars you can’t see are a lot worse than the ones you can, you know?” Running a hand through his hair, he paused on the back of his neck. He sighed heavily, sinking into silence as his shoulders and chin dropped.