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“My idol thinks I’m a blithering idiot.”

“Maybe it wasn’t as bad as you think?” Lucy shrugged.

Alex pressed her palms against her warm cheeks. “I didn’t want to say anything, but…you’ve both been so great. You should know the whole story about me.”

Lucy and Freddie looked at each other.

“I get panic attacks, bad ones.” Alex avoided the gaze of her friends. “When they hit, I can’t breathe, can’t swallow. I get nausea, sweats, dizziness—the works. They started when I was a kid just after Dad left. Stressful or unexpected situations can set them off, but sometimes they arrive out of the blue. It’s like a black cloud of dread is suffocating me. My heart pounds out of control. I just…fall apart.”

“I used to have a coworker who had them,” said Freddie. “She’d be in tears in the loo, and I’d try to talk her through it.” He rubbed Alex’s left arm. “I had no clue, honey. It must be so difficult.”

Alex nodded. “I had one at Heathrow when my bags went missing. It was bad, but at least I didn’t faint; I did that once in a store back home. Talk about mortifying. I hate losing control.”

“Aw, Lex, please don’t feel embarrassed. It’s okay.” Lucy hugged her. “I’m a terrible friend, so self-absorbed. I should’ve known.”

“You, self-absorbed? As if. How were you to know? I never mentioned them. It’s not something I talk about. I’ve learned that people look at you differently when they know, so I hide them—deal with them on my own.”

Alex dropped her chin to her chest. “I thought I had left them behind. After Devin and I broke up, I had a bunch, but then they petered out. Since February, I’d only had one. But I’ve already had two here—in two weeks. First Heathrow, then again tonight. I can’t believe I’m back in the anxiety pit. It scares me. I never know when I’ll have another one.”

“I’m glad you told us,” said Lucy. “It’s nothing to be ashamed of. The next time you feel one’s coming on, call me, okay? I’m here for you.”

Freddie nodded in agreement.

“Thanks…but please don’t tell Mark.”

“Our lips are sealed,” said Lucy.

Alex tugged her hair, somewhat relieved to have spilled her secret. Her mind wouldn’t rest though, switching gears. “You know, I think Olivia hates my guts because of my closeness to Harry.”

Freddie’s eyes lit up. “Really? Do you fancy him?”

“No! Harry’s just a friend…but it’s like she’s threatened by the attention he gives me, how well we get along. I wish I could give her head a shake, make her listen.”

Freddie grabbed the teetering plate from Alex’s lap, placing it on the table. “Well, if you do confront her, tread carefully. God knows what else that toffee-nosed cow has up her sleeve.”

A yawn escaped Alex’s lips. “It probably won’t ever come to that. Right now, the only thing I plan to tackle is sleep…if my mind would just chill out.”

“That’s my girl,” said Lucy. “Things always seem better in the morning.”

• • •

Lucy shuffled down the staircase, bundled in the fuzzy blue cocoon of her Doctor Who TARDIS bathrobe. Still groggy, she stopped at the bottom, catching Alex at the front door. “Where are you going? It’s only just gone seven.”

“To the flat. I need to do this. I need to tell Harry the truth, then have it out with Olivia.”

Alex zipped up Lucy’s hoodie, her eyes puffy and red. She didn’t get much sleep last night. Cider with Rosie tromped in at three in the morning with four slurring pals in tow. The front room became an impromptu sleepover. Crunched for space on the loveseat, Alex tossed and turned, tormented by her thoughts and the rattling snores rising from the floor. It didn’t help that she woke up with a painful kink in her neck, either.

Lucy scratched her head. “I thought you weren’t going to tell him?”

“I know, but I have to. And if there are consequences, so be it.” Alex adjusted the waistband of Lucy’s borrowed sweatpants.

“Well, I’ll come with you. I don’t agree with it, but I can’t let you face them alone.” Lucy turned to climb up the stairs. “Give me a sec to throw on some clothes.”

“No, enjoy your Saturday lie-in, what’s left of it. If I get there before eight, Harry should still be around.”

“Are you sure? I don’t mind tagging along with—”

“I’m sure.” Alex peeked at her phone. She wanted to get going, now. “I need to do this on my own.”