Page 47
His face fell. “After that?”
“Especially after that.” I sat in the front pew and Trevor sat beside me. “I thought if Daddy was that scared for me, maybe he knew something I didn’t. So I prayed. Fasted. Went to every church event. Read books about becoming a godly man and shit.” I glanced towards Trevor. “They were fucking terrible.”
He snorted.
“I dated another girl.”
“Did you like her lip gloss too?”
“Vanilla.”
He laughed.
I smiled. “But I couldn’t forget about a certain boy and our time together at camp.”
“Camp Dix?” Trevor’s smile faded. “With Darius?”
“Yep.” I leaned back. “We went there every summer.”
“And you liked him.”
“I love him...” The words came easily—hell, maybe too easily—and Trevor looked at me.
“Even then?”
“Probably more then… He was the little boy in the window. Always was and always will be.”
I could still see Darius at fifteen all of a sudden, his sunburned shoulders and that stupid whistle around his neck because one of the counselors made him activity captain and of course he chose swimming. He was always sneaking me snacks because my dumbass was always getting in trouble.
“We were best friends,” I said. “That made it worse.”
“Why?”
“Because I could pretend everything I felt was friendship. Tried for years to convince myself that the love I felt for that boy was just because he was my best friend.”
Trevor nodded slowly.
“For a long time I did.” I glanced at him. “Then one night he kissed me.”
Trevor’s eyes widened. “Darius kissed you?”
“Don’t look so shocked, dork.” I shrugged. “I mean, he’d probably claim that I was the one who kissed him. But he leaned in first. I just followed his lead.”
Trevor blinked. Twice. “You threw his clothes in a lake.”
“I learned from him.”
“You gave him a skirt.”
“And he looked wonderful in it.”
Trevor shook his head. “So he kissed you, huh? What happened after that?”
My smile disappeared. “He pulled away.”
Trevor frowned. “But why?”
“Because one second he wanted me.” My chest tightened. “And the next second, he hated himself for it.”
