Page 39

I’d always known. That was the part nobody understood. I hadn’t discovered I was gay. I’d discovered everyone else had a problem with it.

There was a massive difference.

Behind me, the clock chimed in the mess hall, loud enough to yell at me about the fact it chimed four times before and I ignored it. I didn’t turn around this time either.

Another sound caught my attention. The dock creaked and I saw a shadow behind me, swallowing the moonlight.

“If you’re Darius,” I said, “I’m emotionally unavailable and also considering drowning you, so proceed with caution.”

Silence. Another creak. My mouth twitched.

“And if you’re a murderer, you should know I’m incredibly annoying and therefore difficult to dispose of. You’ll most likely beg me to leave before you even get to the murdering bit.”

“I’m not a murderer.”

I glanced over a shoulder.

Trevor stood at the beginning of the dock, his hoodie pulled over his hair and his hands shoved into the pocket. His body looked curled inward, like he was trying to occupy as little space as physically possible. There was something familiar about that posture.

Not me. I’d never been good at disappearing. But I’d known boys who were. One in particular…

“You snuck up on me like a murderer would. What’s up, Freddie? Or is it Jason?” I said.

“I didn’t sneak.”

“You absolutely snuck.”

“I walked.”

“Quietly and murderer-like.”

“That’s just walking.”

“At midnight?”

He glanced towards the cabins. “Dude, it’s way past midnight, and I dunno. I couldn’t sleep.”

I turned back towards the lake. “Well. Seems we’re more alike than you think, bud. C’mon, non-murderer. Have a seat and enjoy the ass splinters.”

He hesitated, but then finally walked down the dock and sat beside me. He crossed his arms over his knees, and for a minute neither of us spoke.

This kid was good at silence. He was rare. Teenagers usually treated silence like an emergency requiring immediate TikTok intervention.

Eventually he said, “Were you always like this?”

I looked at him. This reminded me of the conversation I had not-so-long ago with Dee. So I answered like I had not-so-long ago with Dee. “Devastatingly beautiful?”

He rolled his eyes. “Gay.”

I gasped in mock surprise and horror. “Those are synonyms, my dear non-killer.”

Trevor fought a smile.

There. Ha! That tiny fucking smile. I liked seeing it on him.

He stared at the water again. “I mean…” His voice lowered. “Were you always okay with it?”

Ah. The real question behind it all.