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“We’re partners,” I attempted to clarify.

“Partners?” the woman repeated.

“Yeah, partners,” I said a bit more forcefully this time. “Do you need me to suck his dick to prove it?”

I heard a couple of chuckles behind me, and for once in my life, I didn’t give a fuck who was there.

“No need to be vulgar, sir.” She cleared her throat and went back to typing on her computer.

I’d made her uncomfortable. Good. Uncomfortable people had the tendency of working faster to get you out of their fucking face.

“They have him up in ICU⁠—”

“ICU…” I interrupted her. “That’s bad, right? That means he’s really bad, right? Fuck… what the fuck!” I brushed my hair off my forehead with a hand and started pacing in front of the counter.

The nurse pushed up from her seat and motioned to someone behind me. “Sir, I’m gonna need you to calm down, okay?”

“Calm down?” I glanced over at her, and whatever she saw staring back was enough to have her waving the security guard away again.

“You wanna see him, right? Your partner?” she asked but she wasn’t really asking. She was telling me what I needed to say.

“Yeah, I wanna see him.” I nodded. “Please.”

“Well, I can’t let you do that unless you can prove to me that you are calm and are gonna follow the hospital visitor rules. Can you do that for me, Mister…?”

“Darius—Dee…” I quickly corrected. “No Mister. Alvy calls me Dee.”

“Okay, Dee.” She lowered herself back into her desk chair and rolled it forward. “I’m gonna need some form of ID. Then I’ll get you set up to see your friend.”

“Partner,” I corrected her.

“Right, of course, your partner. My mistake.”

I reached a hand inside my back pocket, removed my wallet, and pulled out my ID, sliding it through the little glass divider. The nurse took it and scanned it into her computer before returning it to me.

“Where does that go?” I asked.

“Your ID?” she replied. “It goes into our visitor management system.”

“Is that really necessary?” I glanced over a shoulder. “For everyone to know our personal business.”

The room felt like it was closing in. The guy I was used to being fighting against the man I was on the inside. The one who didn’t want to hide who he was anymore but didn’t know how to break the cycle either.

The nurse tilted her head, as though she were second-guessing helping me out. “It’s for the safety of your partner. It also helps quicken the process when you come to visit him again.”

“Right, of course.” I forced a smile as I tucked my ID back into my wallet and shoved the whole thing into my jacket pocket, along with my hands to keep from tapping them again. “Sorry. Ignore me. Today has been… a lot.”

“I’m sure.” She offered me a tight smile of her own, and a few seconds later, she handed me a visitor’s badge with my name on it. “I’ll buzz you through these doors. Follow the hallway down until you see the sign for the elevators. They will bring you up to the second floor. Once you’re there, tell them who you’re looking for and they will direct you to your partner’s room.”

“Yeah, okay. Thank you.” I swiped up the badge and stuck it to the outside of my jacket before rushing through the doors.

“No running!” the woman called after me, but I was already sprinting past a couple of guys in scrubs and making a beeline for the bank of elevators.

This was all my fucking fault.

If I had been there… If I hadn’t made him pack up all his shit and move out of our cabin… If I had noticed he was missing sooner… If I had realized what he meant to me all those years ago… If I had just admitted it…

Fuck!