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I flinched.

He paused with his back to me while swiping up the second bag. “I’m not saying that because I’m bitter. And I’m not saying it because he chose you over me. I’m saying it because you’ve had years to grow a pair, and you keep choosing yourself.”

“I didn’t choose myself.”

“You chose your fear. And that’s the same fucking thing, sweetheart.” Omar pivoted to look at me again.

His eyes were red-rimmed, and his face had lost all of its usual confidence. For the first time since I’d met the guy, he looked like someone who’d been hurt and didn’t know what to do about it.

“I liked him,” he admitted. “I really did. Maybe I still do. But he looks at you like you’re the answer to a question he’s been asking his whole life. I can’t compete with that. No one can.”

“You shouldn’t have to.”

“No. I shouldn’t.” Omar adjusted the strap on his shoulder. “But neither should he.”

I stared at him, at a loss for words.

“Alvin deserves someone who doesn’t make him beg for scraps of their attention,” Omar continued. “Someone who doesn’t need to risk losing him before admitting he wants him. Someone who doesn’t run away and hide when shit gets hard. He needs someone who will be there for him even if people are watching.”

I thought about Alvin asleep in the cabin, trusting me enough to close his eyes. I thought about the way he’d said my name in the locker room, like I belonged to him. And he belonged to me too.

I wanted to be the person Omar had described. But I’d wanted a lot of unattainable things over the years.

Omar stepped past me.

“You should tell him goodbye,” I called after him.

Omar stopped in his tracks but he didn’t look at me. “You tell him.”

“I will.”

“Will you?”

I peered past him, towards the cabins. Towards Alvin. “I don’t know.”

Omar’s mouth twisted. I couldn’t see it. But I could see the way the muscles in his neck pulled taut. “That’s the most honest thing you’ve said all morning.”

Then he adjusted his bags and walked away. I watched him go until he disappeared between the trees.

The camp had begun to stir around me. Doors opened. Voices carried across the grounds. Someone shouted about breakfast. Somewhere near the waterfront, a whistle blew twice. Probably Cindy.

I should have gone back. I should have faced Alvin before he woke up completely and decided last night had been a mistake. I should have told him I loved him, even if the words got stuck in my throat. I should have promised him something I wasn’t sure I could ever give him.

Instead, I stood at the end of the dock as the sunlight spread over the lake’s surface.

Omar was right. I didn’t deserve Alvin. But I didn’t know how to give him up either.

CHAPTER 25

I’d started running early in the mornings because I kept waking up and finding Dee gone. And, well, cardio sounded healthier than admitting I’d spent the better part of a week looking for him everywhere I went.

I mean, what was fucking different? Darius was always hiding and I was always the one stupid enough to try to seek him out. I was also the one he was most likely hiding from. Seeing as he’d made quite the scheduled routine of simply disappearing wherever I was concerned.

So here I was. Running. I’d quickly figured out that if I was breathing really hard, thinking became difficult. Which was the point, right?

The sun had barely climbed over the trees when I cut down the path towards the lake. Everything quiet. Until it wasn’t…

A laugh carried across the water and I slowed. It wasn’t a chipper, happy giggle. It was the kind of laugh evil villains let out right before they did something villainous.