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“I feel more comfortable not being with a gay person…”

I ignored the comment and instead steered the talking head over to Dee’s side of the room. After I finished divvying the teenagers between us, I assessed the groups.

The bell outside rang for dinner or some shit, and the room immediately exploded into motion. Kids grabbed backpacks, shoved chairs aside, and started arguing about who got which bunks.

Bandana Boy Trevor paused beside me. “I really do like your shorts,” he said.

“Coral. Don’t forget.”

“I know.”

He walked away, and Darius waited until the last camper had left. Then he stepped closer. “You okay, Alvin? That was… heavy.”

I picked up the clipboard from the table and flipped through the pages without reading them. “Why do you keep asking me that?”

“Because you keep pretending not to hear the question.”

I peered over at him and the rec hall was suddenly too quiet. “You didn’t say anything.”

His brow furrowed. “When?”

“Then.”

His face went still. He knew exactly what I meant. But the truth was there was multiple thens. Darius never stood up for me when it mattered. He just disappeared into the shadows and waited for the shit to be over.

His eyes dropped. “I was scared, Alvin.”

“I know, but that doesn’t make it okay.”

“No.” He looked at me again, and the years between us folded in on themselves. Darius took a breath. “I wanted to say something. I just don’t know how, man. I’m… I’m sorry.”

“You’re always sorry, Dee. Actions versus words, partner.”

He flinched, and some cruel part of me was glad but the softer underbelly part wanted to take it back.

I handed him the clipboard. “Whelp,” I said. “It’s grub time.”

“Alvin.”

I walked towards the door and his voice followed me.

“I’m not that kid anymore.”

My hand rested on the door handle. I could hear the teenagers outside shouting across the dirt paths while I glanced over a shoulder at the love of my life. “No, DeeDee, you aren’t. And neither am I.”

Then I opened the door and stepped into the sunlight before he could see how badly my hands were shaking, the tears streaming down my fucking face and damned by fate to fall on the same porch steps again.

CHAPTER 4

Iwas a dick. I knew it. Alvin knew it. Pretty sure most of these shithead kids knew it too. And I hated that I cared what any of them thought about me. But the truth was… I did. I always had and I didn’t see that changing anytime soon.

Appearances mattered. How you presented yourself mattered. It landed you college scholarships, job interviews, promotions. Made it easier to navigate the world when all eyes were constantly on you. Judging. Deciding who you were before you even knew for sure yourself.

That’s how shit worked for most people. But not all of them. Not Alvin.

I envied him in that way. How he could just puff his chest out and suddenly every insult seemed to bounce off him. Like the fucker was Superman. Like he was impenetrable. He wasn’t. The tears in his eyes proved that.

He was just fucking good at pretending. And so was I.