Page 25 of Ink

Madame Salem pulls out the same folding chair as last time and once again, I find myself sitting in the same position having a life altering therapy session with a woman I barely know. I don’t know how to explain it, but Madame Salem has this aura about her. The pull is almost like the type of warmth you wished you had growing up. It’s a motherly warmth.

“I think it’s just a buildup of life lately.” I sigh, shrugging my shoulders. “Something expected but also… unexpected happened last night. I knew the time would come eventually. I just thought I had more time, if that makes sense. And then I had an issue with my boss today that made me a little upset.” More than a little, but I’m sure she gets where this is going.

“Ah, new beginnings often bring their own bunch of new challenges. Especially when it’s so fresh. In my experience, there’s always an adjustment period between leaving the old and starting the new. They tend to overlap until closure is had.”

“Is the overlap usually unpleasant?” I wince at the dread in my tone, but Madame Salem seems unphased.

“Sometimes. But aren’t all emotions unpleasant to a certain degree? Even happiness has a downfall because it doesn’t last forever.”

Are they?

“I never thought of it like that, but yeah, you’re right.”

“You need to remember that, child. And whatever the unpleasant feeling is, just know that it will eventually pass. I can feel you’ve been through hard times. You need to remember those too, because that’s what’s going to give you your strength when you feel like you can’t do it anymore. Look within, sweet girl.”

That’s the problem.

I am looking within, and I still have no idea what my next move is.

Ravenna Heights was supposed to be the end goal. I stupidly didn’t think I would need a backup plan from my backup plan. I just hoped I would have had a little more time to build up more resources. I guess Madam Salem is right about one thing, though. I’ve survived it before, and I can survive it again.

“I also tell everyone that’s going into a new phase of life to do something that they’ve always longed to do, but whatever reason, didn’t. I believe it sets the new phase off on the right foot, even with what’s looming ahead.”

“I don’t know what I would even do.” I let out a laugh, slouching back against the small back rest.

I can’t remember the last time I’ve thought about something that would truly make me happy. I’ve been in fight-or-flight mode for so long now. The past decade of my life has been about survival.

“Look within, sweet girl. Look within,” Madame Salem repeats.

What will make me happy?

“Does it need to be a big thing?”

“It can be whatever you want it to be. No matter how big or how small.”

Well, I guess there is one thing that comes to mind.

“Would dying my hair count?” I’m fully aware how ridiculous I sound, basically asking a random stranger off the street permission to dye my hair.

Madame Salem has a glint in her eye as she examines the blonde hair peeking out of the hood. “Is that something you have always wanted to do?”

I pause for a moment, scared to admit my want out loud because the last time I did, I was met with… a less than enthusiastic reaction.

You’re so fucking stupid, Sutton.

Do you want to look like trash? Because I won’t have trash for a wife.

Good luck making anything of yourself. No one wants to hire someone that looks like they belong on a street corner.

“Yeah,” I finally answer softly, closing my eyes so I don’t have to see the disgust on her face.

“What color?”

My eyes fly open in shock to see Madame Salem smiling at me.

“Blue,” I say without hesitation.

“Bright blue, pastel blue, or a deeper blue?”