Page 42 of Date With Skates

“There are too many good memories in my house. I know a lot of people love that, but I can’t handle it. It hurts all the time because the only thing there with me is the memories. It feels like my parents should be there with me, like they were before, but it’s just empty. I need to be somewhere I can make new memories, start fresh, and heal from all of this.”

It’s silent for a few moments, and I’m not sure what he wants me to say. Is he looking for approval? Did he just want to tell someone? Maybe he just wants some truth in response.

“I love my cousin, and my entire family, but sometimes I think of running away and starting a new life.”

“You do?” he asks, his voice soft. Almost relieved.

“Yeah. Most of the time, I love everything about my life, but then I have these days when I just wish there was more… that there was something else. That I did something with my life.”

“Of course there is something else.”

“Leaving them behind hurts too much, so… I get that part.”

“Yeah,” he agrees. “I feel shitty thinking about leaving Mom, but…” He sighs.

“You have to do what’s best for you, Connor. Always.”

It’s silent again. “Thanks, Étienne.”

“Who’s been teaching you French?”

“Google.”

I laugh too loudly and cover my mouth, hoping I didn’t wake anyone up.

“You’re cheating on me with a robot,” I hiss into the phone.

“Hey, you’re the one who refused to teach me.”

“Tu vas me manquer quand tu partiras.” The words leave my mouth so quietly, they’re almost a whisper.

“I don’t know what that means,” Connor says with a soft laugh. “But it’s hot as hell when you speak French.”

I almost tell him that this time, it wasn’t meant to be sexy. Because I told him that I’m going to miss him when he leaves.

Chapter Nineteen

Connor

I wake up in the morning with a heaviness in my chest.

One day closer to leaving the Olympics.

One day closer to leaving Étienne.

One day closer to starting a new chapter of my life.

I’ve been thinking about this move a lot, wondering if it’s the right thing to do. It’s a difficult decision to make, but something about speaking the words out loud, having a conversation about it with someone else, really solidified that I need to do it—and that I’m not an asshole for choosing myself.

I love my mother. I am so grateful to both of my parents for what they did. They loved me as if I was their own, always treated me like I was their child, and never made it seem otherwise. They spoiled me, supported my career, and gave me everything I needed. I had an amazing childhood once I was with them, and I wouldn’t take anything back. I’d go through what I went through all over again if it meant ending up with them.

Part of me knows if my mother were clearheaded for only five minutes, she’d tell me to do exactly what I’m doing. Because she’s always been supportive of me and what I want to do… and also what I need to do. She’d be in full support of me doing whatever I need to do to be happy. She was big on that. Told me it was important. That she’d take care of me for as long as she was around, but she wouldn’t be around forever, so I needed to know how to take care of myself—in all ways. Not just cooking, cleaning, and bathing. But mentally, too.

My parents taught me a lot of life skills; things you need to survive in the adult world. Parents aren’t always good at that because they want to take care of their kids and do everything for them. It’s not even their fault that they’re like that half the time. It’s instinct to care for your children. But preparing kids for the real world is important, and I have my parents to thank for my knowledge on life and how to take care of myself.

I crawl out of bed and get ready for the day. I take a quick shower and get dressed, then check on Roman.

“Hey, you up?” I call as I walk toward his door, opening it once I get there. “Shit!” I duck out of the room, closing the door when I see him and Nico in bed together… naked. “Sorry! I didn’t know.”