Page 60 of More Than Just Friends

Although I was single and didn’t have any feelings for Kayleigh so I didn’t need time to get over her, I wasn’t sure if Ali and I should discuss this today.

We should at some point. Soon. But maybe once we got back to London would be better.

I knew from experience that timing was everything.

I’d lost count of the occasions over the years where I’d wanted to tell Ali how I felt, but she was in a relationship, so I’d held back.

Then when she was single, I was dating and pushing the feelings I had for Ali to the depths of my soul to convince myself that I was totally into the person I was going out with.

I was starting to realise that I’d been in denial. I genuinely believed that if I dated other people for long enough, I could forget her.

A sharp pain shot through my chest as I remembered that day when I overheard her telling her friend just how much she wasn’t into me.

‘So are you and Noah, like, a thing?’ her friend, who I think was called Samira had asked.

‘Noah?’ Ali had basically laughed. ‘Noooo! We’re just friends. He’s not my type. You know me. I like muscular, pretty boys and Noah, well, Noah’s just Noah.’

‘He’s a bit of a geek, right?’

‘Totally!’ Ali had said.

At that point I’d left. I didn’t need to stand around and listen to her list all of the other reasons she didn’t fancy me.

But her words cut through me like a knife.

I felt stupid for ever thinking we could be more than just friends. For waiting in the wings, so many times.

Yet, even though I knew I was being foolish, I still held out hope that one day she’d believe that I was enough. That I deserved her.

Of course, that day never came. And the more I was around Ali, the more I wanted her. And the more it hurt.

Which is why last year I’d decided that enough was enough. I couldn’t keep putting myself through the toxic cycle of hoping that maybe this year would be the year that I’d escape the friend zone and something would finally happen.

Looked like moving away hadn’t worked as well as I’d hoped though, because clearly I still had feelings for Ali.

I hadn’t realised until my reaction to her in a bikini earlier.

But the worrying thing was that Kayleigh, who’d known me for less than a week had somehow picked up on it. She’d said I was ‘obsessed’, which I didn’t agree with, but the point was if she’d noticed me looking at my best friend, did that mean that Ali had too?

That’d be so fucking embarrassing.

Maybe that was what Ali wanted to talk about earlier. She was about to politely tell me to back off. I could imagine her saying something like: ‘Noah, I’m worried that you have feelings for me. Just to make it clear, I’m not interested, so don’t get any stupid ideas about kissing me, you muppet!’

I dragged my hand down my face.

Thank fuck Sammie had interrupted us.

My brain replayed our conversation. Whilst I’d said I was relieved about things being over with Kayleigh because I wasn’t attracted to her, Ali had only said that she was ‘fine’. Which knowing her meant that she wasn’t okay.

Clearly it hadn’t sunk in yet and she was hurting about things going south with Adonis. Can’t have been easy to see him screwing Kayleigh so soon after she’d slept with him too. Although, given the size of his penis, I wondered how much Adonis really could’ve satisfied Ali.

And yeah, I know saying that made me sound like a dick, but I didn’t care. After what he did to Ali, I didn’t give two shits about insulting his manhood (or lack of it). Maybe he got her off in other ways though.

Anyway, I didn’t want to think about that. The point was, all the evidence showed that the attraction was one-way.

Earlier I’d considered asking Ali if she had romantic feelings for me, but now I saw that there was no point. If there was even the slightest hint of that, Adonis would’ve mentioned it, just like Kayleigh had.

The message of Taylor Swift’s ‘You Belong with Me (Taylor’s Version)’ felt so relevant right now. This was a classic case of unrequited love.