Page 76 of Put a Rink on It

“We’re both pretty easygoing people and would make good roommates.” Her head tilts to the side. “Roommates downplays our relationship, but partners seems a little intense. Somewhere in between there, until for the world’s sake, we’re spouses.”

I can’t decipher her words or her opinion on the matter, and I’m too emotionally spent to consider my own.

What if I hate living with her? I’ve been on my own for so long, it might be a huge adjustment to living with someone else. This apartment isn’t what I’d call spacious, at least in terms of other places I’ve lived. My contract gives me three seasons after this one in Connecticut, but after that, I’ll be staring down possibly retiring, which would mean living in a place of my choosing. Would it make sense to stay in Connecticut, especially if this farce of a marriage is over by then?

Will Marina have found her person?

The thought sits intensely in my chest.

Not that I don’t want happiness for her, nor could we live under the guise of a fake engagement/besties with benefits for the rest of our lives. She’ll want more than that. Heck, I want more than that for her.

For myself.

We can’t build a sustainable relationship, hell a life, that starts on a lie.

A light touch stimulates my arm. Coming out of the trance, my eyes blink rapidly to find her gazing at me, worry coating her features. “What did I say to send you spiraling?”

“I’m considering what you said. If we could live together. How to define our relationship.”

“When I was naive, I thought I’d be married by twenty-five, have some kids, do the stay-at-home mom thing, have a partner I loved, a thriving marriage. Now that life’s lifed for thirty-one years, it’s so drastically different.”

I take her pause in statements to ask, “But you still want those things?”

“If I’m honest, yes. Maybe not the stay-at-home mom gig, though it’s not like I’ve got a career I need to protect. But the rest, yep.”

How can I be so selfish to deprive her of that?

“And now I begged you to put it off again, to wait even longer for your dream to manifest.”

“In a way, I suppose. But it’s not like I had a plethora of suitors providing me with the dream. If I don’t put myself out there, it won’t happen. Is one more year or so going to make or break the dream? No. I’m happy with this arrangement for the present. In fact, it might be the happiest I’ve been in a long time. Getting this uninterrupted time with you, having sex, consistently, off-the-charts, even”—she fans herself with her hand and I keep my ego in check about the “off-the-charts” comment—“wasn’t on my radar, but if this is how the next year goes until ‘the future’ starts, I’m more than okay with that. Women have kids later these days. I can be women. Maybe what was missing from my life all this time was a sultry fling with the hockey stud who’s been my best friend for years, and once you’re out of my system, Prince Charming will show up and swoop me off my feet.”

There’s a tenderness in her expression and gaze as she speaks so freely about her life, about what she wants. While I’m happy to be a part of it, happy to give her this “fling,” a weight gathers in my chest for when that happens for her.

Which is the stupidest thing ever because Marina isn’t mine. She’s only here because I made an asinine comment, something I never should have voiced.

“Your turn,” she states.

“For what?”

“Tell me about the future you see for yourself. What comes next for Nero Champion? Settling down with a wife, kids, some pets? What kind of woman gets to claim you for her own?”

Why not you?

CHAPTER 24

marina

Nero’s slow to answer, thinking hard about what his future looks like.

“I’m not sure I ever contemplated anything beyond the league,” he admits with a sigh. “Every dream was getting to the professional level of hockey. Everything else was secondary.”

“But you’ve lived that dream for almost a decade. Surely there must be something else you’ve wanted since then.”

“A Cup win.”

“Check. Check.” I giggle, getting back to the recipe.

“Top Rookie Award, Best Defenseman.”