Page 109 of Sand in My Boots

My head’s a mess.

Shoving out of my chair, I declare, “I gotta go. Can you set something up with the lawyers or financial people, draw up a payment plan? I don’t want her on the hook for something so big. Not when this could all crash down in a second.”

“You don’t truly believe that?” he wonders. He has every bit of confidence in Whispering Tide. It helps when you don’t have to worry about paying bills if the resort tanks tomorrow. I don’t have that luxury.

I shrug, not able to put a voice to my thoughts. Mostly because I’m not sure exactly what those thoughts are.

“Want to meet at five tomorrow? Get some clarity.”

“Four-thirty. Won’t be sleeping much. Might as well get a jump-start on the day. And the clarity,” I add in a hushed tone.

“See you then.” One foot is out the door when he adds, “She’s not the woman who cares about money and status, but she is the person who will do anything for those she loves and cares about, no matter the amount of money.”

His words filter in slowly, ping-ponging around my brain as I bypass my office, the front lobby, and the employee lot, choosing to walk back to my townhouse instead. It’s a slow walk, bogged down with ruminations and high emotions.

It’s going to be a long night.

I toss and turn all night. Memories of my time with Juli cloud my vision.

Her laugh.

How she gets me.

Her need for clean towels.

The spark between us, strengthening our connection.

Our physical chemistry.

The money.

I keep coming back to the money. If they could, my eyes would roll themselves at me without my doing at the way my thoughts keep volleying back and forth. How the same thoughts tumble through my brain, with no conclusion in sight.

I try to convince myself I’ll pay her back, she’ll get her money, and we’ll be okay. We’ll move forward, see where this relationship leads, with a fresh start. Until the doubts creep in.

It will take so many years for me to pay her back, and what do we do in the meantime? Live in some kind of holding pattern? That’s not the life I want for myself. Or for her. She deserves better.

My body cringes every time I think that statement—she deserves better than the likes of me.

As much as I believe it’s the truth, I don’t want to believe it. I can’t imagine not knowing how her life’s going. And don’t get me started on how violently ill I feel when I picture some other guy making her happy, taking my place. I can’t stomach it. Yet, I can’t see a way around it either. I can’t see the freaking trees in the forest.

Giving up on sleep, I make a pot of coffee at three. I’m not meeting Preston for ninety minutes, but I can’t stay in my condo. Juli’s everywhere. Though she’s not physically here, her presence remains.

Lacing up my sneakers, I take off for the beach. With no destination in mind, I run, pushing myself faster and farther. Before I realize it, I’m miles from home, my lungs screaming at me to stop. A bench up ahead beckons, and I crumple onto it. Catching my breath and bringing down my heart rate, my watch shows I ran nearly ten miles. Haven’t done that in a while. Not since the last time I was this worked up. When I wanted the opportunity to work at Whispering Tide, but couldn’t for the life of me figure out a way.

Until the gift of my share was paid.

The money opened doors for me, paving the way to this new life. A life I love, one I don’t want to lose. A life I also want to share with someone. I want to open up my heart and let someone in.

Juliana Langley.

She’s the only woman I want. The only woman who could make this great life of mine better.

But how? my brain probes.

That’s the million-dollar question.

Or in this case, several million dollars.