Page 47 of Investigation of a Quest

“I know. I learned my lesson. I have no interest in going toe-to-toe with something you haven’t even heard of, but I also don’t want an unknown power running rampant in our home. What if these deaths are just the beginning? What if it doesn’t stop after it finds Leo?”

“Then I’ll kill it.”

“But what if⁠—”

“I’ll kill it.” Eamon captured her face and forced her to look at him. “I don’t care what’s hunting here. I don’t care what it does to me. I will kill it, and it will not touch you… Just get out of the way, please. I can’t help you if you throw yourself at its feet.”

“I will, I promise.” Bel closed the distance and kissed him, even though his head was still under the sink.

“How are you outside of the case?” Eamon asked, leaning back to finish the repair.

“I don’t know? Overwhelmed? On one hand, the chaos has become my second home, but after a break from the station, this is one hell of a homicide to return to.”

“I meant the guilt. Do you still feel you shouldn’t hold the badge?”

“Yes and no,” she admitted. “I know I’m good at my job, and if we’re dealing with something inhuman, then this town needs both of us. This is where I belong. In the thick of it, but I didn’t magically get over my guilt. I still second-guess my choices, especially when it was my idea to keep the contest going to trap the killer, only to find Oscar Diggs murdered under our noses. I’m also afraid of being confronted with an emergency. What if I make the wrong choice?”

“You won’t.”

“I don’t have your confidence.”

“I have enough for both of us, and Olivia agrees with me. She seems to have forgiven you.”

“She has,” Bel said. “She’s practically hated me for the past year, so she would have no qualms about condemning me. That she doesn’t in the slightest has helped me over that hurdle. I’m not completely blameless, though. I still deal with guilt and this sick feeling that I’m not as pure as I used to be.”

“Maybe that’s a good thing,” Eamon said.

“What do you mean?”

“I think this town needs a little morally grey for the right reasons. Or at least any town I live in long-term. I attract evil, and if you make it your life’s mission to hunt down what my power draws into the light, then you cannot be weak. You can’t be like other cops. Sometimes, you have to be like me.”

“I prefer you to be like you.”

“Why do I have to be the ruthless one?” He glanced at her from the darkness of the cabinet. “Just because I was a killer, why must I continue to bear that burden? Why must I bloody my hands?”

“You’re right,” she said. “It’s selfish of me to want you to carry that cross alone.”

“I can’t believe you fell for that.” Eamon surged forward with a laugh and tackled her to the kitchen floor, pinning her beneath him. “I don’t care who I kill. It’s who I am. The Impaler.”

“Not anymore.” Bel shot upward and kissed him before he could react.

“Because of you. Detective, you are the only reason I’m civilized. I don’t kill people without cause simply because you’d leave me if I did, so I was teasing you. If you need me to kill someone, I’m game without question. I absolutely do not care whose neck I have to snap, and I would much rather be the killer than let you pull the trigger. I will always fall on that sword for you. I will always bloody my hands so yours might stay clean.”

“See.” Bel rolled her eyes as she tried to shove him off her, but his weight pressed her firmly against the floor, so she surrendered, letting Eamon and Cerberus crowd her. It didn’t matter where she was. A bed, a library, a mansion, the kitchen floor. Her two boys always found her, preferring to be uncomfortable rather than parted from her side.

“This is why I struggle with guilt,” she continued. “The destruction of human life doesn’t faze you, and I’m afraid you’re wearing off on me.”

“I am absolutely not wearing off on you. You have changed me—Don’t bring up Triton.” Eamon’s hand clamped over her mouth before she could protest. “You’ve been kidnapped multiple times, almost blown up by an IED, shot at, kept in a basement, chased through the snow, hunted like an animal, attacked by a werewolf, threatened by a deal and dark magic. You didn’t kill Triton because I’m a bad influence. You pulled the trigger because you’ve learned the excruciatingly hard way the dangers of hesitating. A fraction of a second’s hesitation around these predators is the difference between life and death.” He tucked her hair behind her ear. “Between your life and death. You didn’t shoot Triton because you’re a murderer. You killed him because you finally understand that acting first is the only way to get out alive when dealing with monsters. This is why you’re the best cop for Bajka. An officer oblivious to the supernatural underworld would hesitate. They would follow the law, but evil doesn’t play by the rules. We need someone who can meet evil on its terms, leveling the playing field. We need a cop who knows when to slap on handcuffs and when to pull the trigger.”

“Or when to call in the big guns.” Bel pinched his expansive biceps.

“I’m being serious.”

“So am I.” She wrapped her arms around his neck, ignoring the ache from lying on the floor with a thirty-five-year-old back. “And you’re right. I’m sorry it took me so long to believe you. It just scares me because if I stay with you, if I continue working for the Bajka police, I can’t be the idealist I was. There is right and wrong in the human world, but good and evil in yours play by different rules. And if I’m going to live in both, I must adapt. Detective work is reactive. We solve murders. We don’t stop them, but if I live half of my life in the shadows with you, then maybe I do need to shoot first.”

“Thank the Lord, we are finally getting somewhere.” Eamon kissed her scars and then hoisted her into his arms as he stood. The sink was fixed, and after an evening on the floor, they needed a shower. “Yes, sometimes you need to shoot first, and not because you’re a murderer, but because you’re dealing with evil that has no equal. If you stay with me, you will face the darkness, and better its death than yours. Especially with whatever these yellow bricks have lured into town. So please, Detective, shoot first because it cannot have you.”

“Hey, where are you?” Olivia asked when Bel answered the phone the next morning.