Page 14 of Dandelions and Smoke

“Sometime between you saying ugh and throwin’ your bag down on the counter so you could have one of those,” she looks to Tris, who’s joined us now that she’s finished sweeping, “what does she call them?”

“Crash-outs,” Tris replies.

“Ah, yeah,” Ainsley says with a smile and a sway of her flowy, fall-toned dress. “He said he’s at the station and will be here soon.”

“Of course he will,” Tris mumbles, tossing her short, icy-blonde hair over her shoulder with a shit-eating grin.

“Don’t you get on that horse again,” Ainsley throws back at her.

We’re all still laughing when Billy walks through the doors. Even though he’s here to help me, his eyes instantly search for Ainsley.

The man is hopeless.

“I hear someone requires a rescue from their local hero.” Billy saunters in, his big dreamy smile that usually works on all the women in full effect.

Except, to his dismay, it doesn’t work on Ainsley.

“Thanks, Playboy,” I call out, grabbing my bag.

We head out the door after they both promise to meet up tonight at The Boozy Bear after the game. I hope they realize I’ll hold them to it. I pull my jacket tighter as we walk out the door. I’m still not used to this cold weather, but at least I now have my own coat. The thought twists my gut, and suddenly I feel painfully empty. It’s always the same when I think about him.

“You know, Pinky,” Billy starts before sliding the wedge between my car and the driver’s door. He inflates the pump, as he has on many occasions over the last few months. “Next time I get a call like this from one of you, I could send him your way.”

My eyes grow wide. It’s like he’s reading my mind and knows exactly where it went, to whom it went.

“Don’t you dare,” I warn, pinning him with a narrowed glare.

He rolls his eyes and shakes his head. We’ve had this conversation many times before, but I won’t budge, and he knows it. Turns out, firefighter Billy Tyler is also best friends with my brother and has since deemed himself my bonus brother. The one I never asked for but now can’t get rid of.

My heart swells as I think about how close he and I have become and how he really is like family. Unfortunately, it means he’s privy to all my facial expressions, and since he doesn’t miss a thing, I think he’s turned deciphering them into something he does for fun.

Regardless, he’s sworn to keep my working at the Cozy Pines Cafe, and, overall, the fact that I’m still in town, a secret from the Chief, but I know it’s starting to weigh on him. He may be his boss, but they’re also friends. I know it’s a big ask, but I can be as scary as Tris when I want to be. Somehow, I’ve managed to get everyone to keep this secret for me while I’ve done everything to avoid the Chief. That includes, but is not limited to, diving behind the cafe counter and crawling into the back room on numerous occasions.

“Pinky,” Billy murmurs, his eyes flicking over my face like he’s missing a piece of the puzzle. “I don’t understand what you’re so afraid of.”

“It’s been too long. He likes the version of me he’s held onto in his memory,” I mumble. “If he got to really know me⁠—”

My door pops open, the harsh sound of it cutting me off. Miss Daisy has seen better days, but she’s been with me through the worst of them. Before I had all of this, I only had her, and I’m not ready to let her go yet.

“If he got to really know you,” he echoes, picking up where I left off. “He’d be just as in love with you, if not more, than we already think he is.”

My hand finds my hip as it juts out to the side, and I bark out a laugh. “Yeah, right.”

The idea of anyone being in love with me is comical. I can usually recognize the patterns, the subtle shifts, the moments when someone starts pulling away, before they even realize they’re losing interest. I’m an amazing friend, the best, if I do say so myself, but someone choosing me? Wanting to stay? Falling in love with me? That’s where my confidence disappears. Eventually, they’d get tired of the chaos inside my head before they ever got the chance to fall.

I can be the person everyone gravitates toward one day, the one making everyone laugh, keeping the conversation going, remembering every little detail. I leave those nights feeling like maybe I’ve finally figured it out, like maybe I’ve learned how to be the version of myself that I show others, the one I wish I could be.

But the next morning? My phone can sit untouched for hours because answering a simple text feels like climbing a mountain. A night of talking and laughing somehow leaves me needing days to feel like myself again. Give me something new to learn, and I’ll devour it. I’ll stay up until two in the morning researching every tiny detail until I know more than I probably need to. I have a whole pile of yarn and a crochet kit to prove it, but ask me to finish the pile of laundry I started three days ago? Suddenly, my brain has a thousand other places it would rather be.

I’m either completely consumed by something or staring at the same task for twenty minutes, wondering why I can’t make myself start. Sometimes I feel like I’m chasing my own thoughts, always a step behind them. My mother used to tell me that even though she was an alcoholic, I was the real mess.

Something soft moves across Billy’s gaze before he looks over my shoulder and into the cafe at Ainsley, then back to me. “Some people just need a chance.”

My features sharpen into a stern line before I speak. “Not everyone gets a second chance. If she ever gives you a first, don’t mess it up.”

“You didn’t mess anything up,” he says after a beat, but I’m already getting into the car, ready to be done with this conversation.

“I know I didn’t,” I say with a light, joyless laugh. “I made sure I didn’t have a chance to.”