Page 29 of A Countess of Convenience

“We need to review what we plan to do once we reach London.” Judith bit into the sharp-tasting local cheese and tore off a hunk of bread to go with it. She wasn’t sure if her long day had increased her appetite, but she was enjoying this meal uncommonly well.

“We have been through the plan too many times to count.” John sat back, sipping the wine and toying with the remaining bits of the pudding on his plate. “No more talk of that tonight. You need to rest so you will not be completely exhausted when we do arrive. Not only does your body need rest but your mind as well.”

“How can I not worry? I have only to close my eyes and see Anna before me. It has been so long since I held her in my arms.” The dear child’s sweet face, her alabaster skin, the blond curls and blue eyes rose in her mind’s eye, imploring her mama to come back to her.

“I’m sorry, my dear.” He reached across the table to take her hand. “I have no children, so I cannot hope to understand how you must feel not being able to be with Anna. But you must stay strong, for her sake. Only a little while more and we will know what to do.”

His hand in hers was warm and comforting, as were his words. She needed to heed them, clear her mind and go to bed. One more day, and she would be that much closer to the answers that would bring Anna back to her. She squeezed his hand and let go. “Thank you, John, for everything. For your kind words and excellent counsel. For arranging all this.” She waved a hand around the small parlor, furnished serviceably. “I simply don’t know what I would have done without you.”

“Thank you, but I only did what any good friend would. Another gentleman would have done the same.” He again drank the good Rhenish wine, his gaze on her all the while.

“But none other did.” True, no one knew of her plight, save Miles, yet even had other friends known, she doubted they would have taken the time to help her as John had. She owed a great debt to him. “You have been the dearest friend to me these past weeks, John. I hope to be able to repay your kindness in some way.”

“I think there is no need for that, Judith. Are you finished?” Looking uncomfortable, he rose and pulled out her chair.

Although she hadn’t quite finished her wine, Judith nevertheless rose and accompanied him to the parlor door. Suddenly thinking about her dream, an unexpected urge came upon her to rise on tiptoe and make the dream come true. Her cheeks heated at the thought.

“The wine has made you flushed, I fear.” He chuckled as he pulled the door open. “I believe you had best find your bed while I retrieve your maids.”

“John.” Heart beating wildly, she grasped his wrist, staying him. Her body filled with a sharp tension that set her teeth on edge yet excited her to no end. She wasn’t quite sure what she was asking or what she would do should he require more than a kiss. “Is there something I can do for you?”

His already black eyes darkened further, the intensity of them seeming to smolder in the dimly lit room.

Her breath caught, certain he would take her in his arms and kiss her senseless.

Instead, he took her hand, kissed it, and said, “Rest. You’re going to need it.”

Chapter 11

Raging desire coursing through him, John managed to close the door to Judith’s parlor in a civilized manner—when what he desired more than anything in the world was to go back in, slam the door, and ravish Judith’s luscious body. He strode the few feet down the corridor to his own room, bent on upending his washing water over his head in an effort to cool his ardor. The woman wasn’t making it easy for him to remain the gentleman, that was for certain.

Hand on the latch, John remembered he needed to go down and fetch the maids. They’d likely finished some time ago. Drawing a deep breath, he reversed course and headed back to the staircase. Perhaps the sights and sounds of the crowded tap room would help him forget the temptress he’d just left. He’d have to return for a pint or two of ale once he’d delivered his charges to their mistress.

John discharged that duty, making certain the maids were safely inside Judith’s chamber without having to see her again. Had he done so, he’d likely have scandalized the girls by grabbing Judith and kissing her senseless. It had been at least half an hour since she’d asked that indecent question and his member still throbbed incessantly. Best return to the tap immediately and drown his desire.

The innkeeper’s ale was better than most, so John settled down with a pint in the quietest corner he could find to while away the time until he must return to his room and try to get some sleep before another grueling day in the saddle.

What he wouldn’t give to be able to spend the day in the carriage with Judith. With the maids sitting right in front of them there should be no question of propriety, so perhaps Judith might be amenable to sharing the coach with him on the morrow. Of course, being in such close quarters with the woman might not be the best idea either. The thought of sitting beside her, breathing in the scent of lavender she always exuded, knowing she was so close but that he couldn’t touch her would be agony. Just thinking about her like that had caused his flesh below to harden alarmingly.

This would simply not do. He’d come here to escape the temptation down the hall, but if he insisted on thinking about her, he’d get no respite at all tonight. John called for another pint and looked about the tap room, determined to take his mind off Judith. One group of men to his right were debating the time to sow their crops. Could be an interesting discussion, but they would likely not welcome the opinion of a lord, who they’d assume knew nothing about crops and the cycle of planting. His father had wanted John to have an intimate knowledge of the lands he would eventually inherit, so when he’d returned from university, he’d been given the position of land steward at Donningham. No better way to learn about planting and tending and harvesting crops. If only he could find a wife who would give him a son, he’d do the same thing with the boy once he was of an age.

Thought of a wife and children immediately brought him back to the image of Judith standing before him asking, “Is there anything I can do for you?” His softened member leaped to attention, undoing all John’s work to make himself relax.

Of course there was something she could do for him. They both knew it. Had he tarried in her parlor even one minute more he’d have likely urged her into the bedroom and even now they’d be entwined in each other’s arms in a tangle of bed sheets. At least he’d have liked that to happen. Although Judith had given him little intimations, like her parting question, that she might be more receptive to his attentions than she had previously been, he still had no idea if she truly valued him beyond the warm friendship they’d always enjoyed.

That was the rub, unfortunately. When he’d first learned of her husband’s death, he’d believed he could easily step in and fill that emptiness in Judith’s life. However, as they’d come to be reacquainted, he’d found the strong woman he’d known from childhood had become even stronger after her ordeal. Had it not been for the current situation of trying to regain her daughter, he was certain Judith would have no more amorous feelings toward him than she’d ever had. His assistance with Anna’s guardianship had thrown them together so much Judith may have begun to look toward him with an affectionate eye simply because he’d been instrumental in mounting her case against Downing, not because she had come to love him for himself. Gratitude was not love, but would it be a good enough substitute for him if Judith ever accepted his proposal?

John raised his second pint to his lips and drank deep. That was a question he’d best come to grips with and soon. If Blanchard believed Judith’s best chance to be named Anna’s guardian was for her to marry again, he wouldn’t hesitate to renew his offer to her. But he would have to do so with the knowledge that the woman he loved did not love him and was marrying him for convenience only. And although the possibility existed that Judith might, in time, come to love him, there was no guarantee of that ever happening. Could they be happy together? Quite likely. Would they have the marriage he had always wished for? Likely not. He’d not attained that ideal with Sarah, although their relationship had been warm and passionate in its physical aspects. Could he settle for the same if it meant he would have Judith for his own?

Or should he once again step aside and let Judith choose another man as he had so long ago, even if he knew it would be a mistake?

He set his tankard on the table with a dull thud. Farringdon had made his interest in Judith clear as day to everyone. If John was correct, Judith bore more than a little affection for the physician who had saved her life. If given the chance, would she prefer to accept Farringdon if the need arose for her to marry?

Why could his life not be even a little easier in the realm of love? Most of his friends had married long ago and put heirs, or at least children, in their nurseries. Yet such milestones of happiness constantly eluded him.

Abruptly, he stood. Musing with ale in his hand would obviously get him nothing save a big head tomorrow when he must ride again. Best return to his bed and try to get some sleep. Perhaps the ale would help with that, at least.

Trudging up the stairs, John resolved to let the matter of Judith and marriage go until he could find out more from Blanchard. The only reason Judith would seek him out was if she had no other recourse to gain Anna. He would have to live with that for the moment and simply wait and see which way the wind would eventually blow.