Page 99 of Breakaway Hearts

“You sound like my teachers when they don’t want me to go off book and want me to be boring.” She makes a sound of disgust. “What do you actually want?”

Madison. The answer comes unbidden every time that question is asked. I don’t say it out loud, but it must be written all over my face, because my sister looks at me with sympathy and doesn’t stop, even as I swat her away.

“Any chance it’s just because she’s not letting you in?”

“I wish.” I sigh.

“That she was here today?”

“No, I meant it about Emmy. I can’t do that to her again…but I think I want more.”

“Think?”

“I definitely want more,” I amend. I think part of Madison does too, and another part wishes she’d never met me.

“Would it help if I told you you’re awesome and any girlfriend would be lucky to have you?”

“No, but thanks, Mom.”

“Are we coming up with a plan?”

“No, we are respecting her wishes.”

“That’s it?”

“That’s it,” I agree.

“I’ve never known you to be a quitter.” Tab sounds surprised, not like she’s trying to wound me, or bait me into doing something, but the last thing I want to do is make things harder for Madison. A lot of times, when she turns me down, she looks at me with this longing, like if I tried just a little bit harder, she’d cave, but I can’t have her hating herself, or me, so I do as she says.

And Tab’s wrong. I haven’t given up or quit. I’m just…patiently waiting for Madison to change her mind.

Two hours later, Sarah’s house is crowded and noisy, with children hyped up on all the sugar they’ve collected, but I absolutely love it. Even without the holiday and the costumes, there’s always something going on, I don’t have to be in my head, and unlike some of my friends, I love every single member of my extended family.

I’m exhausted by the time we get to the adult dinner, and my siblings are many glasses of wine in. There are at least three conversations happening at any moment, so while my dad is asking me about hockey, Rachel is asking Tab about school, and it sounds like Pete and Nick are discussing Blackstones.

“Did you try Tonix yet?” Katie asks when there just so happens to be a lull in the other conversations. It still would have been fine if Tab’s eyebrows didn’t shoot up.

“Not really my style,” I say before Mom can catch on, but she notices Tab’s face.

“Tonix is a bar, isn’t it?”

“A club,” I agree.

Mom looks horrified, which is hilarious.

“I’m sure Tab sits at home every night and studies,” Sarah assures her.

“Owen.” Mom turns to me like I have any control over my siblings, which makes many of them break out into fits of laughter.

“You know he’s more likely to get in trouble with her than keep her in line, right?” Dad points out. Which is accurate, but I still want to defend myself.

“Remember that time he hid the chocolate bar in her diaper because he knew you’d search him for it? She was, what? Not even a year old?” Kyle adds.

“I think it got worse once she was in on it. They could give Sarah and Jared a run for their money.”

“Except we grew up and became the responsible ones,” Sarah defends herself.

“What she said,” Jared teases.