Page 53 of Damien’s Mate

A really, really big one.

Lila watched in stunned amazement as the thing unfolded, filling the front seats.

Kitty was saying, “A compressor? Wussies. We could just blow it up.”

Colt called, “Brandon! Kitty said she wanted to blow my penis. I’m disgusted and offended. Make her stop!”

“Did not,” Kitty said, smacking him. “He’s lying. Totally lying. Pervert.”

The penis was getting bigger as they argued, pressing against the windshield with a squeaking sound and bending out of shape around the steering wheel.

“Um, guys?” Lila said. “Your erection is a little out of control.”

Remy whirled around. “Nooo! It’s stuck!”

He and Colt raced to either side of the truck, reaching in through the open doors. “Can you maneuver it?”

“Push it this way.”

“It won’t fit!”

“It’s going to pop!”

“How big is that thing?” Jaeda asked, staring.

“That’s what she said,” murmured at least four people at once. Lila started giggling uncontrollably, which made her ribs hurt. Damien leaned against the SUV, shaking his head, that sexy grin on his face as he watched.

The twins finally managed to un-wedge the penis and get it out of the cab. Fully inflated, it was at least six feet tall.

Holding it proudly between them, they posed for pictures under the Penile and Cummings street sign—first just the two of them, and then with their mates. Finally they propped the cell phone up in the truck bed and made everyone get in the picture. “You, too,” Colt called to Damien and Lila. “The whole crew.”

“Might as well,” Damien murmured to her. “I hope my Aunt Jenn never sees it, though.”

When the twins were satisfied, they moved on to the corner of Penile and Manslick Road. The giant penis was transported in the bed of Brandon’s truck with Phantom Nick. He batted at it experimentally with one ghostly paw—which seemed to be able to move objects despite its lack of solidity.

“Don’t even think about it,” Colt warned the ghost, before setting out. “I don’t care if you’re already dead—if you claw my penis I’ll kill you.”

Manslick Road was busier than Cummings, and every minute or so a vehicle went by. They got honks, shocked looks, some thumbs-up and a few obscenities.

Colt and Remy waved to everyone like movie stars, between posing for their pictures.

They were about to do the crew shot when a blue crew-cab pickup on jacked-up tires pulled over just past them, with a skid and a screech of brakes.

A huge man with a full black beard and a John Deere hat jumped out and strode over to them. “Hey!” he yelled. “What do y’all think you’re doing?”

Everyone went still, wary of a threat but not wanting to start anything. Colt, his arm around the penis, gazed at the man innocently and said, “Nothing. Just standing here on the side of a public road, taking a few selfies.”

The man’s face was red with outrage. “With your dick out?” Lila heard a muffled snort somewhere behind her, and bit her lip.

The man went on, “What the hay-ell is wrong with you?” He gestured to his truck. “I got my grandma in the truck! On her way home from church!”

Lila saw Callie’s shoulders start to shake, and Jaeda smacked her in the arm.

“And y’all are out here—on a Sunday morning—displaying a public penis to a God-fearing 80-year-old woman who’s just been basking in the light of our redeemer? How’s she gonna enjoy her chicken and biscuits after a traumatizing thing like that?”

Lila glanced over at the truck. Mistake. Grandma’s little gray head was poking up, looking out the back window. She waved at Colt, and gave him a thumbs-up.

Brandon turned his back, gripping the side of his truck bed, emitting strangled noises. Kitty had a sudden coughing fit and had to cover her whole face.