Page 58 of Colton’s Mate

Callie: (heart emoji) They were a surprise. The delivery person said ‘reptiles’ so I was thinking alligators. Or maybe hila monsters or snakes… which, not so romantic

Colt: Ninnymuggins! It had to be turtles, because we’re taking it slow. Get it?

It’s a male and a female.

At least, it’s supposed to be. Not sure how you tell.

Callie: Ooh! Ooh! Now I have an awesome pickup line: “Want to come over and help me sex my turtles?” (She sent three wink emojis with that one)

Colt: I will sex your turtles anytime. (emoji face with tongue hanging out)

There was a pause, then: Gak, that was not romantic. Rethinking the turtles?

Callie: You are not taking my turtles back!

What should I name them?

Colt: Harry and Sally? Clark and Lois? Horney and Tiger Slut?

Callie: We can’t call them Horney and Tiger Slut. Because they’re supposed to be our take-it-slow role models.

Colt: Wait. Does ‘taking it slow’ mean we’re not having sex at all? Opposed.

Callie grinned to herself. It definitely did not mean that.

She texted: Apparently not. Right now, Tiger Slut is wearing a thong and doing a sexy dance to 70s fuck me music.

Colt: Video, or it didn’t happen.

Callie went over to the turtlearium, not because Tiger Slut was actually wearing a thong and dancing of course, but because her going-slow role-model turtles really were super-cute. She was getting attached to them already.

Then she stopped dead.

She texted: Colt Bad Boy McCall, you are the worst role model ever!

Colt: What did I do?

Callie: It’s not you, it’s your turtles.

Horney and Tiger Slut were going at it in the turtlearium. They hadn’t even been there an hour, and Horney had climbed on Tiger Slut’s back was doing it doggie-turtley style.

Colt: Oh, fine. They misbehave, and suddenly they’re *my*turtles? What are they doing?

She snapped a picture and sent it to him.

She got nothing back for about five minutes, during which she found some 70s Marvin Gaye on her music streaming service and turned it on.

Colt finally texted: YOU’RE SENDING ME TURTLE PORN???!!!

What did you do to make them do that?

Callie: Me? You sent them. I should have known this is how they’d be. She sent another photo.

Colt: I can’t believe you’re making me see this. I feel dirty.

Callie was already taking video, with Marvin Gaye blasting in the background. She sent it to Colt with a grinning demon emoji.

Colt: That’s it. I’m coming over there and putting a stop to this right now.