Page 44 of Dark Dragon’s Wolf

“I’m not going to throw anything at you,” she said. “Or drop ice water on your head.”

That was a good start. “Unless I say something stupid?”

His wolf vision had adjusted, and he could see her now, sitting up in the big king-sized bed.

She said, “I’m actually trying to decide if I should fuck your brains out, or smack you upside the head like Kira said I should.”

“I know which one I prefer. Do I get a vote?”

He couldn’t see her smile, but he felt it. “I guess. Come on over here.”

He kicked off his shoes and crawled into bed next to her, snuggling up beside her. She wrapped her arms around him and held him close.

She smelled so good. Scent was one of the most important things to a wolf, and Mayah smelled like love and acceptance and home. Sometimes he thought he could just lie there for hours, wrapped in her scent, and it would be all he needed.

He rubbed his cheek against hers and inhaled, and she smiled again. “Are you okay?” she asked softly.

“I don’t know.”

She nodded, but she didn’t say anything. Didn’t feel or smell impatient. She was just… there.

He wanted to explain to her about everything, but he didn’t know where to start. She didn’t push him, just rubbed her hands slowly up and down his back, occasionally dropping a tiny kiss onto his neck.

“Sometimes I envy you,” he said quietly. “The way you’re so determined to go out and live, now that you’re free.”

She made a soft encouraging noise, still rubbing his back, waiting while he searched for more words.

“Sometimes I feel like I never really escaped. That the people who—who did all that shit to me are still holding me prisoner.”

She snuggled even closer to him, holding him in her warm embrace, surrounding him with her love.

“When I saw that the Bradleys were still alive, it—” He shook his head. “I just kept thinking, what if it had been my parents? If they’d been in that one fucking cell, all these years, and I didn’t know? No one knew. No one looked for them.”

“I know.” Her hands moved rhythmically over his back. “I know.”

“I know you think it’s stupid, for me to keep saying I should have saved people. But if I couldn’t have, then…”

If he’d admitted he couldn’t have, if there was never anything he could have done, then he’d have to face the fact that he was totally helpless. And if he’d ever let himself believe that, even once, he would have died. That much hopelessness would have destroyed him.

Pretending that he could have done something was the only scrap of pride and strength he had left in him. But he would never, ever say that out loud, not even to Mayah. Especially not to her.

He needed her to see him as strong. Not as a creature to be pitied.

Instead he said, “It made me feel like something was under my control.”

“It gave you hope,” she said.

“Something like that.”

“People matter to you,” she said. “I love that about you. I don’t want you to change that. Just let us help.”

“You help me every day.”

She ran her fingers up and down his spine. “I wish… I wish someday you could have your life back. That you could really live, like we talked about. Go to Bali. Explore the world.” Her fingers stopped. “Have a family, even. Be happy.”

He knew that was never going to happen. But he would dream about it, just for a little while.

He said, “Maybe if we take down Gen-X, the world will be safe for white wolves.”