Page 50 of Bad Blood Panther

Chapter 19

Jenny lay in the tree for a long time, watching Xander hold their son, until the fire died down and the others went to bed, leaving the clearing quiet.

Finally, he swung his legs off the branch, pivoted and jumped. He landed gracefully on the ground below, still holding Brandon tucked into the crook of his arm. In the other hand he clutched the bloody dead mouse, as if it were the most precious thing he’d ever been given.

If she wasn’t in panther form right now, she’d be bawling like a baby.

Xander still didn’t say anything to her, just looked up into her eyes for a few seconds, and then headed for his trailer.

Jenny jumped down out of the tree and Changed, retrieving her clothes from where she’d left them folded on a lawn chair. She wished she knew what Xander was thinking, but then, he’d always been good at hiding that.

All she knew was what he was feeling, through the beginnings of their mating bond. Sadness warring with happiness. A protective love so fierce it pierced her to the core. And a deep, desperate, aching pain that almost buckled her knees.

If this was what he carried around all the time, she didn’t know how he was still standing.

She dressed with shaking hands. She didn’t know what she would say to him, or if he’d even speak to her. But she couldn’t leave him feeling like this, any more than she could ignore her son when he was hurting.

She loved them both so much. But Xander couldn’t be comforted by cuddles and treats and kisses to make it better.

He needed more from her, and she didn’t know how to give it to him.

She was beginning to realize she didn’t really know him at all, and he deserved to be known and understood and cherished.

She walked to the trailer, anxiety churning in her gut. She was no good at confrontations unless she was angry. What if he wouldn’t talk to her? What if he told her to get out?

When she went inside, the lights were on in the kitchen area, and the dead mouse had been carefully laid out on a paper towel on the counter. Even as her heart ached, seeing that made her smile.

She found Xander in the tiny guest room. There was barely room to move, between the bed and the portable crib Sloan and Caitlyn had found at the thrift store, and the jerry-rigged changing table.

Brandon had Changed back to human form without waking up. Xander had him on the changing table and was trying to wrestle a diaper out of the package while holding on to Brandon with one hand to make sure he didn’t roll off.

She should be doing that. He must think she was a terrible mother already—the least she could do was take care of Brandon now.

“Here, I’ll do it,” she said, taking the package out of his hands. She pulled out the diaper and then moved to the changing table, unconsciously shouldering Xander aside. “He should really have a bath,” she said, as she fastened the diaper with practiced hands. “But I don’t want to wake him.”

She picked Brandon up and cuddled him to her, taking comfort in his warmth and the sweet baby smell of him. Even dirty, he smelled delicious.

Xander watched them for a moment, then turned and went out of the room without saying anything.

He was angry. And hurt. How could she possibly fix this?

She laid Brandon in the crib and put a blanket over him. She thought of the last time she’d watched him sleeping. She’d been on her way to find Xander, then. On her way here, to this place.

She’d worried that Xander wouldn’t want them. And then she’d found so much more here than she’d hoped. A mating bond, and happiness. And such a short time later, she was back where she started, looking at her sweet little boy and wondering how she’d managed to mess up their lives so completely.

She kissed Brandon, and then went out to face Xander.

He was standing by the kitchen counter, looking down at the dead mouse. As she watched, he stroked it gently with his finger.

“What are you going to do with that?” she asked.

He shrugged, not turning around. “I don’t know. Stuff it, maybe. Or give it a decent burial.” He touched it again. “I can’t just throw it out.”

Because his son gave it to him. That touched her deep in her heart. He already loved Brandon. The way he’d held him, cuddled him—and she’d seen his tears, even though he tried to hide them.

But did he still love her? Or had she hurt him too much?

She took a deep breath. Brave. She had to be brave.