Page 36 of The Enforcers: NOAH

Chapter 12

Afterwards Noah carried Mina into the bathroom and they stood under the shower, washing the chocolate off each other and kissing every place they could reach. Noah insisted on drying her off afterwards, teasing her and laughing with her, but she could see an underlying sadness in his eyes.

For some reason, she got a flash of Brock petting the wolf through the cage, and his words, “He needs lots of pettings and kisses, and then he wouldn’t be so sad.”

Maybe that went for people as well as wolves.

She could see the scars on Noah’s body, all long-healed, a testament to the dangerous work he’d done in the service of his country. She knew, as well as anyone, that mental and emotional scars could be worse.

He scooped her up to carry her into the bedroom, and she giggled. “I do know how to walk, you know.”

He kissed her nose. “But then I’d have to let go of you.” He took her into the bedroom and laid her on the bed, stretching out next to her, one knee bent. She ran her fingers over his skin, tracing the faint lines of scars. She wondered if he’d talk about any of it.

“And you said I had warrior stripes,” she said lightly. “You’ve put this body through a lot for such a baby-faced adolescent.”

“Baby-faced?” he said in mock offense. “I’m a manly man, I’ll have you know.”

“Excuuuse me,” she said. “I stand corrected. I—”

She broke off as she saw the band of scar tissue above his right ankle. It ran all the way around, looking like his leg had been nearly severed.

“Holy cow,” she said. “What the hell—heck—did that?”

It shocked her to see it. She’d done almost that exact surgery only a week ago, on the wolf. She knew how bad a wound like that could be. Noah was lucky he was walking, let alone had full use of his foot and ankle.

He froze at her question, going rigid, and then she could feel him making himself relax muscle by muscle. Mina instinctively put her hand on his chest, near his heart, and stroked gently. “I’m sorry,” she said. “I didn’t mean to be insensitive. I just hate the idea of you being hurt so badly.” Was the cause of that wound the source of his PTSD as well?

He ran his fingers lightly down the side of her face, and she knew she was forgiven. “Me being stupid and not paying attention to what I was doing did that,” he said. He looked into her eyes. “And before you ask, I can’t tell you any more.”

“If you told me, you’d have to kill me?” she asked, trying to lighten the mood.

“Something like that,” he said. “I’ve done a lot of special ops work. Stuff I can’t talk about.”

She nodded. She was silent for a minute, tracing patterns on his chest, trying to figure out how to say what she wanted to say.

“Look, I know we don’t know each other very well yet,” she said. “Despite…this,” she added. Despite the fact that she felt closer to him right now than she’d ever felt to anyone.

“And I get there are things you aren’t allowed to talk about. But I know, from experience, how hard it is to be alone in your head with things that happened to you that the people around you just can’t understand.”

He didn’t say anything, but his hand moved in her hair, stroking the back of her neck. He was listening, not pulling away.

“I’m not afraid of your dark places, Noah,” she said. “I have my own dark places. I know how it feels sometimes like the dark places and the broken places are all that’s left of you. As if you’re not a person anymore—just a collection of broken shards that used to be something beautiful, but now people are just like, ‘Oh, what a shame it’s all ruined.’”

His hand stilled, and she thought he might pull away, but he didn’t.

“So maybe someday,” she said, “you can talk to me about that thing that’s eating you away inside. Not today, maybe, but someday. Because I get what it’s like having everything taken away from you—even your sense of who you are. But no matter how much you hate that broken part of you, I want you to know it didn’t beat you. You’re still here, and some days you can smile, and there’s chocolate and love in the world, and you didn’t lose what makes you a good person.”

He was silent for a long moment, and then he reached down and traced his own finger around the scar.

“I used to be proud of my scars,” he said. “They meant I was a fighter, a survivor, and they showed that I put myself out there. I didn’t back down, I didn’t run away. I fulfilled my missions. I won my fights. But this one…”

He broke off for a minute, and she held her breath, not wanting to break the moment.

“This one is the best one. It should have been the worst. I did something stupid, and I ran right into a trap, and by all rights I should have been dead. At best, I should have never walked again.”

He traced the scar again. “But somebody helped me. Someone who had no reason to, who had enough problems of their own that nobody should be expecting them to worry about somebody else. But they dragged me out of harm’s way and got me to surgery in time.”

He turned on his side and stroked her hair back from her face. “The other scars were about what a badass I was. And then something happened and I wasn’t a badass. Someone exploited my weaknesses and bad stuff happened. People died who might not have, if I’d been stronger. And I was stuck in this dark place, feeling sorry for myself.”

He leaned forward and kissed her forehead. “And even after that, somebody risked their ass to save me—not because I deserved it, not because I was a fucking hero, but because of who they are. And I started thinking maybe I should get the fuck over myself and just do what I can for other people, even if I’m not the badass I thought I was. Maybe I should be more like the person who saved me.”

Mina slid her arm around him and hugged him. “I like you, Noah Reilly,” she said. “You’re a good person. Plus, I think you’re kind of a badass.”

He gave a short laugh. “I guess I still have my moments.”

He kissed her softly, and then more intensely. Out in the kitchen, her cell phone started to ring with a dreaded and familiar ringtone.

“Shoot,” she said, pulling away from Noah and scrambling out of bed. “It’s Robbie.”