Page 28 of Knight’s Absolution

She climbed into the hot spray and sighed as she assessed her physical state. Gunner’s blood had definitely made her stronger.

God, what must he think of her? Having her latch on to his vein, sink her fangs into his flesh, and drink from him. How could he stand it? How had he not shoved her away in disgust?

Had he fed other dhampirs when they’d stayed here? She couldn’t be the only demi-demon whose demon half was vampire? Did the knights take turns? Whoever drew the short straw was stuck offering the bloodsuckers their vein?

Duty. Gunner had fed her out of duty, that was all.

But he’d been so…gentle with her, almost…affectionate? She knew what affection looked like. Humans showed it all the time. Hugging on the street, touching each other with wide smiles on their faces and color in their cheeks.

She shoved her head under the hot spray and shook her head. No. It was kindness, nothing else. She was just having trouble recognizing emotions in others, not surprising when she was still trying to understand her own. She’d never experienced affection before, or maybe she had but just couldn’t remember? Her mother was a shadow in the past now, the memories distant and faded. So how would she know how to tell the difference?

The knights were born to protect demi-demons like her. They fought hard to control the demons in this city, to stop Diemos from leaving Hell and invading Earth. Just being a demi put her under the umbrella of their protection. That’s all it was. The way Gunner had been with her in his bed had been all about duty. Nothing more.

“Love.”

She shivered. The way he said that all deep and raspy.

Why did he keep calling her that?

He probably called all demi that.

“There is nothing you could do, or say, nothing, that would cause me to harm you in any way.”

He said he’d never hurt her. Everyone who had ever said that to her had done the opposite. They’d lied, and they’d hurt her over and over again. She couldn’t allow herself to let her guard down, to fully trust him or the other knights. Her belly clenched as she shampooed her hair.

They saved you.

She squeezed her eyes closed.

Because they don’t know the terrible things you’ve done.

She sucked in a deep breath out of habit. She desperately wanted to trust them, to trust someone, she just didn’t know if she knew how.

If she should.

Opening herself up to more pain didn’t seem like a wise decision. Because eventually, they’d turn their backs on her, or worse, they’d learn the truth about her. It was only a matter of time.

She’d been strong for so long; there hadn’t been any other choice. Her sanity had depended on the thick, impenetrable wall she’d built around herself. If it crumbled away now, what would be left? She couldn’t allow herself to drop her guard, to allow herself to think about her life up until this point and not lose her mind entirely.

Not with how shaky she was right now. One moment she was crying, the next she wanted to punch something.

And then there was Gunner.

When she was with him, all she wanted was to get closer to him.

Stop. Get control of it.

She lathered the soap over her body, then rinsed off and climbed out. Drying quickly, she wrapped the towel around herself and opened the door, peeking into the bedroom. Just as Gunner had promised, there were clothes on the bed and the door leading to the small living room was closed.

Gunner was out there now. Waiting for her.

Then what?

She didn’t know. She couldn’t remember a time when Sir wasn’t controlling her every move.

Padding to the bed, she checked out the clothes and couldn’t help but smile. Grace had chosen these for her, there was no doubt in her mind. Black jeans and boots and a black sweater. There was even underwear, all black as well, and a small bag with some cosmetics, deodorant, hairbrush, a few other bits and pieces.

Luna had her camouflage. And it was all black. Even without the ability to feel, to experience emotion, she’d been drawn to the color. Maybe it was silly to some, but when she dressed this way, when she put on her black eyeliner and lipstick, it was as if she was someone else. Like she was somehow protecting the real Luna behind a disguise.