Page 59 of When a Soul Cries

No.

I wasn’t crying.

Not again.

Not tonight.

Zari stared at me for another second, and when she spoke again, her voice wasn’t angry anymore.

“Why you ain’t tell me you were drowning?”

That did it.

Something inside me cracked. My chin trembled before I could stop it, and I looked away quickly.

“I don’t know what I’m supposed to do.”

The words barely came out.

Zari’s entire face changed. All the anger disappeared. “Sol…”

I shook my head, trying to swallow whatever was rising in my throat, but it was too late. “I don’t know what the fuck I’m supposed to do, Zari.”

The first tear fell, and I wiped it away angrily. Then another came.

“I work.” My voice cracked as I looked at her through eyes that were filling faster than I could clear them. “I go to work every fucking day. I take care of my baby. I pay what I can. I don’t be out here doing shit. I don’t ask nobody for nothing.”

“Sol, come here.”

I stepped backward. “No.”

“And it still ain’t enough.”

My chest collapsed.

That was it.

Everything I’d been holding came out at once.

“I can’t lose our house.” My voice broke completely as I looked over at Halo sleeping peacefully, unaware that her mama had no idea how much longer that room would even be hers. “I can’t have my baby out here with nowhere to go.”

“You won’t,” Zari said, stepping toward me.

“My fucking car just broke down.”

Her eyes widened. “What?”

“And I don’t know how I’m supposed to fix that either.” I wiped at my face, but the tears were coming faster than I could catch them now. “Everything need fucking money, Zari. Everything. Rent need money. The car need money. Halo need shit. I gotta work, but how the fuck am I supposed to get to work without my car?”

“We’ll figure it out.”

“With what?” I snapped, but there was no anger behind it anymore. Just fear. “What the fuck we gon’ figure out? I don’t have it!”

Zari grabbed me.

I immediately tried to pull away. “Stop.”

“Sol.”