Page 153 of The Plus One Pact

I did that here. I'm your on-demand therapist. The friend available at a click. And I only offered what I was willing to give.

But no more. Yes, I won't share my entire life with you. That's still mine. But I will tell you the truth.

The truth is, I may have a PhD in sex, but I'm no doctor of fucking. I'm not some sort of sex goddess, even if I'm occasionally with a man who makes me feel like one.

The truth is, I'm not good at this relationship thing either.

The truth is, I hurt someone, because I was afraid to share. My history, my failings, my life. Because I wanted to have all the cards. Because I wanted to take the experience and turn it into a story I could tell, a memory, a thing that couldn't hurt me anymore.

I hurt him because I was afraid to fall for him.

But I did anyway.

That's the truth, listeners.

There's no way to connect and protect your heart. It's not possible.

Love and sex are full-contact sports.

There's a high risk of injury.

And I fucked this one.

But enough of my somber story. Back to something a little more fun. After the break. And a preview of next week. We're continuing our series on sex work with a special guest. A professional Domme. You can call her Mistress Pain. Call in with questions. And be nice. She's a friend of a friend.

I pause the podcast and stare down at my phone.

I have to talk to her. Reply. Explain this somehow.

Why I didn’t rush after her.

How foreign these feelings are.

How much I care about her. And want more with her. Want everything with her.

I start to text something, but a knock on the door interrupts me.

Cynthia speaks. "Hey, don't open the door. I know Danny is in there. Hey."

"Hey," he says back.

"I'm scared," she says.

"Don't be. You'll do great," he says.

"I’ve never worn a dress like this," she says.

"I bet you look beautiful," he says.

"Thanks." She runs her fingers over the door. "Sorry, I actually came for Rome. Ivy is here. And she wants to talk.”

My body fills with nervous energy. It’s a good sign, if she came all this way, but I’m not ready to assume it means she wants everything. I want it too much. I’ll be too crushed if it’s not the case.

“Did you see that episode drop? Have you listened yet? What does it say? Oh my god, that will take my mind off things. Good thinking. Well, hop on it, kid. Danny, close your eyes, so you don't see anything."

He shoots me that same knowing look first. "You better go get your girl."

"You better… close your eyes," I say.