Page 134 of The Plus One Pact

"It sucks," I say.

"When have you ever failed?" she asks. "Sorry. I didn't mean that as an accusation."

"It's a fair question. I've never loved someone. I've never tried. So, who do I think I am, telling you how to feel about your relationship?"

"You're not… but that is true."

"I haven't failed at love. You're right there. But it's because I haven't tried. And isn't that a sort of failure?"

"Yeah, but it's a cop-out too."

"I failed chemistry," I say. "In high school. I had to take it twice."

"That's a start." She rolls onto her side and looks up at me. Still sad, but a little softer. "What else?"

"A lot of clients," I say.

She motions for me to go on.

So, I do. "There was a woman who wanted a Dom. Sasha told me it was an easy gig. All I had to do was show up in a suit and use a firm voice and the client's excitement would do the rest. But I couldn't even order her out of her dress."

"Really?" she asks.

I nod. "I tried, sure. I stood up straight and I dropped my voice as low as it would go, and I channeled Sasha and said the words. 'Take off your dress.'" I try to remember exactly how I went. The way it sounded like a question. Or a plea. "It was an early client. I didn't have the confidence. I'd never tried that sort of thing before. And she saw it immediately. She gave me another few minutes then asked me to leave."

"Really?"

I nod. "Asked Sasha for a refund. Which we provided. After all, I couldn't deliver."

"Was it hard?" she asks. "To learn how to… turn on that mode?"

"With some people, it was easy," I say. "When I was younger, I was good at seducing with charm. Especially when I leaned into that image of myself as a Latin lover. Or a master in the language of love. 'Mi amore' did all the work for me. When I could turn that on, I did well with clients. But when people wanted anything else, I was lost. I didn't know who else I could be. I didn't know who I was. I still don't."

"That must eat at you," she says.

"It can."

"Why do you stay at your job, then?"

"Why does anyone?" I ask.

"Really." She sits up and looks me in the eyes. "You're good at it, I know. You came highly recommended. And that rec came with another. But you built the business well too. The website, the cards, the aftercare. And your family seems to think you're doing well."

"No. Daniel thinks Mom gives me money. Mom thinks Daniel has me on the payroll. Neither of them is willing to really ask about it."

"Why not tell them the truth?"

"Why not tell my family I'm an escort?"

"Sure, there are obvious reasons. But if you're proud of your hard work, why not? Besides the those reasons?"

"I'm not sure I can get beyond the obvious reasons."

"Try."

"Is this Doctor Vaughn or my fake girlfriend?" I ask.

"Let's say it's your friend, Ivy." She sits up a little straighter. Looks at me a little more sharply. Not with judgment. As if she really wants to know. Really wants to see inside me. "That's one reason. What else is there?"