Page 10 of The Plus One Pact

"Don't even. You lecture me all the time." She play-swats in my general direction.

Then it falls. The awkward silence.

We still don't have an answer.

She's still off the market.

I'm still unable to get laid.

"What is it… that stops you?" she asks.

"You saw that guy," I say. "He didn't even pretend he's interested in me. He went straight to 'I like your tits.' If it's not that, it's, 'do you like it in the ass' or 'I want to bend you over the sink.'"

"That can be hot."

"From a stranger on an app?" I ask.

She nods okay, yeah, fair point. "Oh, what about porn? We could do a week on 'porn for women.'"

"We've done it." Twice. We already get a lot of calls about porn. I'm not as big a fan as most sex-therapists. I've seen the downsides too close.

"You could make a porno," she says.

"On the air?"

"Well…"

I shake my head no way and take a long sip.

She lets the silence fall. Studies me carefully. "Do you really want a good time, Ives?"

"Are you asking if I want to have good sex?"

"I am."

Damn. That's harsh. But possibly fair. "I do, but I'm not like you. I can't do the casual thing the same way. I need a little more of a connection. Or at least a guy who treats me like a princess."

"What about a guy who pretends you have a connection?"

Huh?

"He'll treat you like a queen. Like an empress, actually. And you’ll have plenty of material to report back."

"You've slept with him?" I ask.

"No. A friend of mine did. She said he was great. The perfect lay."

This time, I raise a brow.

"Great conversation. Plenty of foreplay. You don't have to ask him to grab a condom. And he'll do any position you like, however you like, for as long as you like."

"Oral?" I ask.

"As much as you like."

"And he's reasonable looking?"

She shakes her head. "He's gorgeous."