Page 46 of The Masked Princess

She couldn’t bring herself to look at him, afraid that if she did, it would break her will and she wouldn’t have the strength to tell him no again, when she so dearly wanted to say yes. “No, Soren, because I can’t ask that of you. I can’t doom you to a life without touch, without children, without love.”

“If I’m with you, my life will never be devoid of love.” He pressed her gloved hand to his chest over his heart. “You say that you can’t doom me to such a life, but a future where I can see you every day and know that you’re mine sounds like heaven. I can’t let you follow through with this plan, to spend the rest of your life hidden away in cloth and ivory—a figurehead for a king who only sees you as a pawn. Tell me you feel the same way, Annalise, and I’ll take you away tonight. We’ll leave it all behind and you can be free.”

“I can’t.” Try as she might, she couldn’t stop her voice from breaking, even as her eyes filled with tears.

His voice was low and full of intent. “Then tell me you don’t love me, that you don’t want what I offer to you.”

Tears slid down her face. “I can’t do that either. You say you want a future where you call me yours, but you can’t even touch me. What kind of marriage is that? What kind of life will that be for you? You deserve more, my dearest Soren. You deserve a wife you can hold—someone who can host dinner parties for you and teach your children to ride ponies and kiss their bruises when they fall. I can’t do it, Soren. I love you too much to let my curse stand in the way of your bright future and happiness.”

“Annalise, please…” His voice broke, as if she’d just taken his heart and shattered it on the icy ground.

She pulled her hand away from his but felt like she left her heart behind. “No. We can never speak of this again. I am going to my tent, and tomorrow we will meet with the rest of the group and enter Rea. I will marry King Nelan, and you will return to Dovea as the hero you are. I’m sorry if I’ve hurt you, but once you’re back home I’m sure it won’t take long for you to recover and find a lovely woman to share your life with.”

Soren inhaled sharply. “Fine. If that is truly what you want, we will never speak of this again after tonight, but first let me be entirely clear on something.” He leaned toward her, so close their icy breaths mingled in the moonlight. “Where you go, I go. If I cannot be with you romantically, then I will be the wall that protects you from those who wish you ill until my final dying breath. There is no future for me without you in it. My princess, my love, my dear, precious Annalise, there were no women before you, and there will be none after. If you insist on following this path, then I will be at your side every step of the way, no matter what you do or what you say.” He paused, then lifted his hand to her shoulder, and his gentle caress sent a shiver down Annalise’s spine. “Please, Annalise. I beg you, not for my sake, but for yours. If you don’t want to be with me that’s fine, just don’t do this to yourself.”

“Soren, I wish for nothing more than a future with you.” She cupped his cheek in her palm. The moonlight was so bright that her gloved hand almost glowed, as if the moon itself was mocking her by calling attention to the very thing that separated them. Soren froze, his entire attention riveted on her. He didn’t say anything; he didn’t need to—his eyes spoke volumes, and she hoped that he could read the truth of her emotions in hers as well, everything that she couldn’t confess to him because she was promised to another man with the fate of two nations hanging in the balance.

“I am an honorable woman and will not shirk my duty, especially when doing so places so many people’s futures and lives, including yours, at risk. Goodnight, Soren.” Annalise paused. So many more words balanced on the tip of her tongue, but she forced herself to swallow them all like they were the most bitter of pills.

Without another word, she withdrew her hand, turned away, and walked back to camp.

CHAPTER 36

The next morning, Annalise donned her mask with an air of finality before leaving her tent. Judging from the dark circles under his eyes and his drawn face as he ate breakfast, Soren looked like he hadn’t slept at all. Elsabeth was also subdued; she spoke very little and sighed profusely whenever her gaze fell on Annalise’s packed bags.

They traveled to Rea in silence.

Annalise reflected as they rode that even though the sun was bright, the birds singing, and it appeared to be shaping up to be a lovely winter’s day, they might as well have been on their way to a funeral—her funeral, if King Nelan didn’t heed the warnings about her curse. She couldn’t imagine Soren killing her after his impassioned words the night before, but she harbored no doubts the Rhinneans would do so if their king ended up injured or dead by her hand, accidental or not.

Soren was riding just ahead, scanning their surroundings. He rode with confidence, and his strong, broad shoulders looked as though they could carry the weight of the entire world with ease. For a moment, Annalise allowed herself to dream what life might have been like had she taken him up on his offer and let him spirit her away.

They would have grabbed their bags and saddled their horses—she was sure her aunt wouldn’t mind if they absconded with their steeds. They’d ride until they reached the sea. There, they would buy tickets to some distant land where no one knew who they were, and together they’d set off on a grand adventure. Then, when their adventuring days were over, they’d take their earnings and settle in a small town and do exactly as Soren suggested—he’d raise flax and sheep, and she’d tend their kitchen garden and weave fine cloth. They’d sell their wares in the market, and while they wouldn’t be rich, they would at least have each other and their love.

Annalise held the dream like a ribbon of delicate lace before letting it slip from her fingers. There was no use dreaming about things that couldn’t happen, and even a cursory inspection ripped the dream-cloth to shreds. It would take days to reach the sea, and in the midst of winter with just the two of them and minimal supplies, it wasn’t like they could camp outside every night. Even if they slept in Soren’s small tent, all it would take would be a brush of his bare hand against her cheek for their happy future to go up in smoke.

They’d have to stay at an inn, but those were few and far between, and if word of their escape spread, there would be soldiers from both Dovea and Rhinnea looking for them. If their fortune held and they made it to sea, what then? A quick marriage that couldn’t be consummated? A life spent in a sleepy village where Annalise couldn’t touch any of her friends or hold their babies? A lifetime of searching for an end to her curse that, if it didn’t materialize, would only lead to disappointment and broken dreams?

No, there was no use dreaming when reality was staring her in the face. She’d had a choice, and she made it—the lives of her people, and Soren’s safety and future, were worth far more than her happiness. She didn’t have the luxury of being selfish, and she wouldn’t let them down even if it killed her.

Half a mile from the city, the road ran through a meadow. There they met up with the Dovean company, who had been waiting for them. At the commotion caused by Soren and Annalise riding with a group of foreign guards, Priscilla exited the carriage.

She ran to Annalise and skidded to a stop directly in front of her before dropping into a low curtsy. “I’m so glad to see that you are safe, Your Highness. I’ve been so worried about you and feared for your safety these past weeks.” When she looked up, her eyes fell on Annalise’s partial mask. “Are you okay, Princess Annalise? What happened?”

Annalise smiled and motioned for Priscilla to stand. “It’s been a long journey and quite the story, but I assure you I am unharmed. I’ve also gained another attendant to add to our small group. Priscilla, this is Elsabeth, my new lady’s maid.”

Elsabeth stepped to Annalise’s side and performed a shallow curtsy. “Hello, Priscilla. Princess Annalise had told me many wonderful things about you.”

Priscilla’s mouth opened in surprise when she took in the sight of the older woman, although to her credit, she recovered quickly and returned the gesture. “It is nice to meet you, Elsabeth. I’m sure we will have plenty of time later to get to know each other.”

“Likewise.”

Annalise caught Soren’s eye as he spoke with Lieutenant Rorarck and Captain Padrin, and something in his expression beckoned her forth.

“If you two will excuse me, I believe I am needed elsewhere,” Annalise said as she took her leave of her two maids, who were eyeing each other like rival house cats.

“Is there a problem?” Annalise asked as she joined the men.

The three of them dipped into bows, and she was reminded that despite the relative freedom she’d enjoyed while in Murana, a return to real life also meant a return to stiff formality.