Page 120 of Love Letters on Hazel Lane

Kate shifted from sitting on the sofa to kneeling on the floor, spreading the printed pages around her and surveying them, like a detective studying an evidence wall.

‘Wow,’ she said. ‘Here’s someone who has properly looked out for you.’

Jo knelt down beside Kate. ‘Yeah, she has, hasn’t she?’

As they sifted through the articles, Jo saw that over the years of her marriage, Gemma had been giving her the tools she needed.

How to Leave an Abusive Relationship

Should I Leave Him? How to Decide if Your Marriage is Over

Do I Want a Divorce?

10 Signs That Your Relationship is Abusive

‘We need a conference,’ said Kate. ‘Can we ring Gemma? Or better still, let’s do a Zoom.’

*

A few minutes later, Gemma’s face appeared on the screen of Jo’s laptop.

Jo felt more than a little anxious, wondering if her two friends would get on. Gemma had always been a bit dismissive of Kate’s dating advice, after all. But she needn’t have worried.

Gemma’s voice was full of her usual warmth. ‘Kate, it’s lovely to meet you. I’ve heard loads about you.’

‘Likewise,’ said Kate.

‘So, Jo, tell me about this letter,’ said Gemma.

Jo read it out loud, then said, ‘I want to help her. I can’t bear the thought of him doing it to someone else. But I’m not sure I can face him in court. He’ll have some fancy barrister who’ll interrogate me and twist my words.’

‘What do you think, Kate?’ asked Gemma.

‘I think it would good if we could both support Jo so that she can do it. Not only in the hope of stopping Si from hurting anyone else like this, but I think it might be good for Jo. It might give her some closure.’

‘Agreed,’ said Gemma. ‘Of course, I’ll support you, Jo. I always have. If you did decide to testify, I’d be there in court, with you. I’d testify too if they ask me to. And if you don’t want to do it, that’s fine too. No-one’s forcing you. It would be absolutely fine to say no. Wouldn’t it, Kate? Jo has to do what’s right for her.’

‘Absolutely,’ said Kate. She turned to Jo and took her hand. ‘But you haven’t said no. And the fact that you’ve kept the letter makes me think that at least a part of you wants to do this.’

‘Exactly,’ said Gemma, ‘but how do we help you make that decision? What do you need from us, Jo?’

Jo shrugged. ‘I don’t know.’

Kate looked thoughtful. ‘What’s the obstacle, Jo? What’s stopping you from doing this? Is it the thought of seeing Si again? Because I’m sure they can arrange for these things to be done over video link, can’t they? It’d be like talking to Gemma now, over a screen.’

Jo thought. What was it exactly?

‘It isn’t the thought of facing Si,’ she said slowly. ‘It’s all those other people who’d be watching. Knowing him, there’d be some fancy, hotshot lawyer, who’d twist my words even more than Si himself used to twist them. Who’d confuse me with question after question and make me sound stupid. They’ll say I don’t remember things clearly. And they’ll try to deny what I suffered, to negate it. It took me so long to acknowledge and accept what I went through. You tried to tell me, Gemma, but for the whole of our marriage, Si duped me into believing his version of events over my own reality. And him and his lawyers – they’ll try and get a jury to believe his version and some of them will. They’ll sit there, making judgements about me. So that’s the obstacle. If it was me and Si and no-one else… well, I think I could do that. I think I’d like to do that. I’d like to go… face to face, head to head with him. To tell him how he made me suffer. To tell him that I no longer believe his lies and that I will never be controlled by him – or any other man – again. I’ve wanted to do that for so long, but I’ve never had the courage before. But in recent months… well, I’ve been down a bloody great hole in the ground, I’ve done a live interview on the radio, faced all those awful childhood memories and gone into a school – accepted a job in one, in fact…’

‘A job in a school?’ said Gemma.

‘Yeah, I forgot to tell you that. I’m leaving Pop! Productions. You’re looking at the new manager of Hebbleswick Primary School. And I’ve stood on a stage in front of over a hundred people, organised a festival, faced that slimeball Tarquin and stood up to the office bully. So I’m ready to face Si. But I want it to be just him and me. I want to tell him what he did and what a terrible impact it had on me. To say how small he made me feel, how useless, how stupid, how ugly, how vulnerable… If I can manage that, I’ll go to the police. And then maybe I’ll find the courage to testify in court. Assuming they bring the case.’

‘Are you sure, Jo?’ said Kate. ‘You’re happy to face him on your own?’

Jo paused for a moment. ‘Yes, I’m sure.’

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