Page 47 of A Game of Hearts

“No.” He turned to face her fully, and the moonlight caught the anguish in his expression. “I let my fears override everything - my trust in you, my trust in James, my own heart’s knowledge of your character. I have no excuse.”

“Your fears?” Something in his tone caught her attention. “What fears could be strong enough to make you doubt so completely?”

He was silent for so long that she thought he wouldn’t answer. When he did, his voice was barely above a whisper.

“I once found my cousin Charlotte about to elope with a fortune hunter. She was so innocent, so trusting - she thought that love could overcome everything. She never knew that he had already ruined two other women. If I hadn’t returned that exact day...” He broke off, raking a hand through his hair. “I thought that my rigid adherence to propriety would protect others from such harm. Instead, it made me quick to assume the worst, to see scandal where there was none. To hurt those whom I love most in a misguided attempt to prevent hurt.”

Emma’s heart twisted at the pain in his voice.

“And what of now? Will you always be looking for scandal, always quick to believe the worst?”

“No.” He took a step towards her, then stopped himself. “These past days have taught me that there are worse things than scandal. Losing your trust, seeing the hurt in your eyes - nothing could be worse than that. I would rather risk a thousand scandals than ever cause you such pain again.”

She studied his face in the moonlight, seeing the truth of his words in his expression.

“Pretty words, my Lord. But can I trust them? Can I trust you?”

“I pray that you will try.” His voice roughened. “I know that I have no right to ask it, but my feelings for you run deeper than I ever expected could be. Even when I was being an utter fool about showing it, even when I was hiding behind propriety, my heart was already yours. Give me the chance to prove that I have learned to trust in these feelings more than in rigid rules.”

Emma’s heart thundered in her chest. The sincerity in his voice, the raw emotion in his expression - everything in her yearned to trust him again. But...

“How can I be sure?” She forced herself to speak past the tightness in her throat. “The next time that someone suggests impropriety, the next time that appearances are against me - how can I trust that you won’t immediately assume the worst?”

“Because I’ve learned what truly matters.” He moved closer, though still maintaining proper distance. “When I thought that I’d lost you... when I saw the hurt that I caused... Emma, I’ve never felt such shame, such devastating regret. I would rather face anything than ever see that pain in your eyes again.”

“And yet you caused it so easily.” She lifted her chin. “One suggestion from Lady Anne, and all of your kisses, all of your words of affection, meant nothing.”

“They meant everything.” His voice roughened. “That’s why it hurt so much - because I love you so deeply that the thought of betrayal was unbearable. But I was a fool. Instead of trusting in that love, I let my fears rule me.”

“And now?”

“Now I know that love means trusting, even when appearances suggest otherwise. It means asking for truth rather than assuming the worst.” He took another step closer. “It means believing in you, in us, more than in any rigid rules of propriety.”

Emma’s breath caught at the intensity in his eyes.

“Pretty words, my Lord.”

“Not just words. A vow.” His hand lifted as if to touch her, then dropped. “Give me the chance to prove it. To show you that I’ve learned what truly matters.”

She studied his face in the moonlight. The proud, rigid man who had condemned her so quickly was gone, replaced by someone who looked at her with such naked vulnerability that it made her heart ache.

“I cannot pretend that it didn’t happen,” she said finally. “I cannot forget how easily you believed the worst.”

“I don’t ask you to forget. Only to let me earn back your trust.” His voice dropped to barely a whisper. “To let me show you, every day, that I’ve learned to value love over appearances, truth over assumptions, you over everything.”

Something in Emma’s chest loosened at his words. Not everything - the hurt was too deep for that. But enough to let her breathe properly for the first time since the library.

“It will take time,” she said softly. “Trust, once broken, is not easily mended.”

“Then I will spend however long it takes proving myself worthy of that trust.” The moonlight caught the hope dawning in his eyes. “You once told me that kindness need not compromise propriety. Now I understand that trust need not compromise caution, that love is stronger than rules.”

Emma felt tears threaten.

“When did you become so wise, my Lord?”

“When I nearly lost everything that truly mattered through being a fool.” He smiled slightly. “Though I believe that I had an excellent teacher in the value of balancing proper behaviour with genuine feeling.”

Despite herself, Emma felt an answering smile touch her lips.