Page 13 of Lord of the Lost

Would Devlin like it?

She couldn’t know. That evening, that one kiss, and his reactions to Roland’s shout had shown her, very clearly, that she knew very little about the man he had become. That lack of knowledge almost frightened her. Surely he could not have changed so much? Surely the boy she had known was still there, inside the man? She shivered, and she wasn’t sure if it was from excitement or trepidation.

“Desdemona – are you ready? The carriage is waiting.”

Her mother’s voice cut through her thoughts.

“Yes, I’ll be down in a minute.”

She took one last look in the mirror, then gathered her skirts carefully, and left the room, left the house – the house which would no longer be her home, in a few short hours from now.

~~~~~

Devlin stood in the church, feeling utterly alone. He had no friend or relative to stand up with him, and the eyes of the villagers who had gathered to see him wed weighed heavily on him.

Beyond that feeling of being alone, he felt nothing – no excitement, no anticipation, nothing.

Well, nothing beyond an odd sense of fated completion. He had known inside himself, since he was a boy, that he would one day marry Mona, and now, it was about to happen. When he’d thought about this day, before he’d gone to war, it had been with the expectation of joyous happiness – but that was not present, at all.

Outside, he heard the crunch of carriage wheels, and tensed, turning a little to watch the door – would he feel something when he saw her?

Shapes blocked the morning sunlight, and then she was there, stepping into the church, bathed momentarily in a rainbow of light from the stained glass windows. For a moment, a warmth infused him. She was beautiful, the greens of her gown making her eyes seem more intense. But her expression was a little uncertain, and that moment of warmth faded.

What had he done? She did not deserve this, to be tied to a man whose mind was as broken as his body was scarred… Was she here willingly? Or had her brother forced this moment upon her?

The thought that it might be so, that she might not wish to marry him, but have no choice – that filled him with guilt and shame, all over again. He swallowed, and met her eyes as she approached him. She gave him a tremulous smile, and a tiny flame of relief flared within him.

Then she was beside him, and the Vicar began to speak. He felt, yet again, as if he was somehow elsewhere, watching himself from that grey place the ghosts inhabited, as he went through the responses, until they were married. It did not seem real, but he forced a smile to his lips, took her hand, and stepped out into the morning light. People surrounded them, offering inane congratulations, and it took all of his strength not to simply push them aside.

He did not see what there was to be so happy about – what did one more marriage matter, when there was so much death, misery and pain in the world? But duty required this of him, so he endured, until at last they could step into the carriage, and travel up to the Castle. There was to be a wedding breakfast, of course, but it would be a subdued affair, given that his family were still in mourning for his father. That, thankfully, meant that he would not be expected to be utterly joyful all the time.

As the carriage drew away from the church, he turned to Mona, to find her watching him. He did not know what to say.

“Devlin… I… I would have you know that Roland did not have to force me to marry you. I am not happy about the way in which this came about, but I did not fight it, did not want to fight it.”

There was a great depth of meaning in her words – but he would consider them later. Right now, all he felt was a desperate desire to be away from people. Perhaps he would be able to discuss such things with her later, once they left the Castle. They were going to Deerwood Chase, a hunting lodge he owned, this afternoon, and would spend a week or more there. As a wedding trip, he supposed it left a lot to be desired, but at least it might give them a chance to talk to each other, a chance for him to discover whether those flickers of feeling she had engendered in him could be amplified, or not…

“Thank you for telling me. You should know that I do not regret the situation, either.”