Page 106 of Who’s That Girl?

‘That’s just bollocks. Why should I have to go through a frigging process, while he goes out with another girl?’ she gasps angrily.

‘You’re obviously at the angry stage,’ I say, trying to calm her down.

‘But he told me he was falling in love with me!’ she cries.

I raise an eyebrow. If there’s one thing I’ve learned as I’ve got older, it’s never to believe a man who says he’s falling in love with you just as he’s falling into bed with you.

‘God! He’s such a liar!’ she tuts hotly.

‘No, this is good – it’s important to get your anger out.’ I nod encouragingly. ‘All these stages are really crucial in getting over something like this. First you go through shock, then depression, now anger.’ I’m trying to remember all the different stages.

‘I was just a one-night stand to him, and to think …’ She lets out an angry howl. ‘I could kill him!’ She falls silent, and drags on a cigarette, staring off into the middle distance.

‘Acceptance is the final stage. Once you reach this, you’ll be able to deal with anything life throws at you.’ I pause, thinking about my own life, what’s happened in the last ten years since I was wearing Lottie’s shoes and for a moment it’s like I’m talking to myself. ‘You’ll be able to move on.’

‘Actually, I do feel more positive.’

‘Really?’ I feel a beat of delight.

‘In fact I feel a load better.’

‘Wow, that’s great.’ I smile with satisfaction. Though to be honest, I actually thought it would take a bit longer than a few minutes to go through the process, but I’ve obviously really helped her. ‘And in time you’ll feel healed enough to begin a new relationship.’

‘Mmm, yeah.’ She nods distractedly.

‘Though don’t worry if at first you’re a little nervous.’

‘Mmm …’

Hang on a minute. I suddenly get the impression she’s not listening. ‘Did you hear what I just said?’

‘God, he’s really hot.’

‘Who is? Billy Romani?’ I look at her puzzled.

‘Billy who?’ she says pointedly, as if to say, ‘Keep up, Grandma.’ ‘Him.’ She gestures with her head, and all at once I realise what’s grabbed her attention. Across the road I spot a jogger. Bare-chested, he’s stopped running and is stretching out his muscles. ‘Wow, he’s gorgeous,’ she sighs lustfully.

‘Lottie, were you listening to anything I just said?’ I feel a snap of annoyance.

‘Sorry … um.’ She turns to me, her eyes flashing and a big grin on her face. Her tears have miraculously vanished and there’s two spots of colour high in her cheeks. ‘You were saying something about stages?’ she says vaguely.

‘Yes, and it’s really important,’ I remind her.

‘Well, I’m sorry, but you can keep all that claptrap,’ she replies, looking back at the jogger. ‘Do you want to know my advice for getting over a man?’

I look at her questioningly, then back at the jogger, just in time to see him smile over, and her smile back flirtatiously. All thoughts of Billy Romani completely forgotten.

‘Get underneath another one.’

Chapter Thirty-one

As weekends go, this isn’t up there with my best. My search of my old bedroom fails to show up my watch, which I now fear I might have lost in the club. Leaving Lottie flirting with Mr Bare-Chested, I drive home. It half crosses my mind to pop into the pub and say hi to Oliver, but it quickly crosses back again. What am I thinking? Don’t be so silly, Charlotte. He was probably only being polite.

But then so was I, I tell myself defensively.

Instead I stay in that evening and pack up the rest of Miles’s things, which plunges me further into gloom. To be honest, even though I know I’ve done the right thing, it’s still quite depressing. I console myself that we can remain friends. After all, we’re both reasonable adults; we can be amicable about this. Like when celebrities split up and issue those joint press release statements, I think, remembering the one I did for Melody when she split up from her footballer husband.

I set about concocting one as I clear out Miles’s sock drawer: