Page 92 of Yearning Difficulties

‘Were you sad about Max last Halloween?’ he asked after a while.

‘God, yeah,’ I said soberly. ‘Had a massive row with Dave. He said some awful shit about her. Fought with my parents. Got grounded. Snuck out to Logan and Bibi’s party. Drank too much punch. Made out with a stranger in a closet. Got hauled out by Dad. All of it, just trying to numb.’

He went still all of a sudden. ‘Just trying to not feel it, huh?’

‘Something like that.’

‘And then you came back to school and some annoying shithead was throwing things at the back of your head in English.’

I smirked. ‘Oh, yeah. God, I hated that guy.’

‘He’s the worst.’

‘Truly.’

I felt him grow serious. ‘No wonder you hated me.’

‘I didn’t, Kill. I was joking.’

‘But you didn’t like me. Because I was being a dick. You were going through all of that and I was making snarky comments and throwing paper at you.’

‘You were a welcome distraction. I would go to class and instead of thinking about how I missed Max so much it hurt, I was irritated at the thought of having to deal with you.’

When he didn’t laugh, I shifted my position on the bed so we were facing each other. I took in his dark hair and eyes and how forlorn he suddenly looked. In his strange scarecrow make-up and jacket, he should’ve looked comical, but I found him so magnetic. I’d never wanted to be near someone the way I wanted to be near him.

‘Killian, where’s Claire?’ I asked softly.

He looked confused by the question. ‘Who?’

‘Claire!’

‘Oh. She was with the rest of the group, last time I checked. She’s our Glinda. She’s never seen the film so she’s just wearing a bit of white.’

I ran my hands through his hair, gently scraping my fingernails against his head until he groaned with pleasure. ‘You should be downstairs with her, Kill. Not here with me.’

He closed his eyes. ‘Stop saying things like that, Zella.’

‘It’s true. I don’t want to be that girl. Are things with her official yet?’

‘No.’

‘That’s something.’

‘I’m being gentle with you because you’re deeply hurt, Zella. But why on earth would you give a shit about me and Claire?’

I stared into his face and reached out to caress him. ‘If you only had a brain.’

I kissed him. I had to. It would be the last time, the sand in the hourglass was spilling out and I would have to watch them get closer and closer. When Killian eventually swallowed his pride and told her everything he’d told me, she’d melt. I knew she would. It would be impossible not to.

He kissed me back. Fervently. Whatever matters of the heart were troubling him, his body had no problem with me. He groaned my name and when he pulled me into him, I could feel how badly he wanted me.

‘I still have your hair clip thing,’ he told me, when we came up for air. ‘From Sunday night. I keep it next to my bed. So fucking pathetic.’

It was dark but I could see the conflicted look on his face. I pressed my lips to the corner of his mouth. ‘I want you.’

‘Yeah, as a distraction.’

I sat back and opened my eyes to glare at him but the door to our room suddenly opened and light from the hallway spilled into our dark little haven. Claire and Cherry were in the doorway, the former smiling blithely and the latter looking a little uncertain. There was enough space between Killian and I for us to pretend nothing was happening, but I didn’t leap away from him. That would have made us seem even guiltier.