Page 83 of Yearning Difficulties

‘I gave Logan the album, Sterling,’ I said, cutting across Cherry’s words before she made the other girl even more homicidal. ‘Gave him a lift home from the stables on Sunday and he asked if he could have it.’

I’d meant to put the fire out but Sterling looked even more aflame. Her gaze shot from me to Cherry, and she regarded my new friend in open perusal.

‘That doesn’t . . .’ She shook her head, as if trying to dislodge an unwanted thought. ‘That doesn’t make sense.’

Cherry went back to her binder with a shrug, bored by the conversation. Sterling got to her feet and barked an order at her friends. They followed obediently as she stormed out of the library and I innately knew that this wasn’t the end of whatever drama had just manifested.

‘And that’s the crowd you want to reunite with on Friday,’ Killian said to me.

I rounded on him. ‘Because you’re such a barrel of laughs right now.’

‘Sorry I’m not amusing to you, Red. I always want to be.’

‘Claire.’ I turned to the timorous girl next to Killian. ‘Do you want to go to the Halloween Ball with Killian. Yes or no?’

She made a few spluttering sounds but then peered up at him, biting her lip in a hopeful manner. ‘Yes.’

‘Good. Then it’s settled. I’ll go with Cherry, if only to keep her safe from Sterling and her friends. Chris will go with Anderson. And Killian, you’ll go with Claire.’

Claire beamed at this, but Killian threw me a wounded look. I frowned at him, completely perplexed. I tried to send him telepathic alerts but he didn’t seem to want to read any of them.

You’re getting what you want. Everything you want, Killian. I’m trying to be your friend. It’s killing me to sit here and watch her gaze at you with all of that hope and wonder. I can’t bear it. But it’s what you want and I want nothing more than for you to be happy. To find what your brother has. To find all of the things he spoke so beautifully about on Radio Panache.

‘Fine,’ Cherry said, giving me a curious look. ‘Everything’s sorted then. And there’s absolutely nothing weird in the atmosphere at all.’

Twenty-Nine

My Girl, Cherry!

Today’s Track: ‘Witchcraft’ by Frank Sinatra

When Friday arrived, it was peaceful to do Radio Panache without Dave. It was also nice to walk the corridors without worrying about Killian confronting me.

It had been a painful week between us. There had been a few moments, at lunch or in the library, where we’d almost been alone. He’d get a look of determination on his face and would open his mouth to say something to me, but then Claire would appear. She would chatter on about a harmless subject and I would engage with her. I liked talking with her. She was timid and nervous about stepping outside of her comfort zone and would often be too afraid to offer up an opinion on anything outside of school or the weather. I tried, regardless. Hoping to coax her out of her shyness.

Killian would just sit there silently, refusing to involve himself in any way.

I didn’t understand his coldness to her nor his fierce intensity towards me. I would often catch him staring at me, but he’d look away instantly when I did. I didn’t know what more I could do to make up for the tumultuous weeks we’d shared.

I’d decided to go as Dorothy from The Wizard of Oz for the Halloween Ball. Cherry and I found the costume in Trimmings, the only good clothing store in Lake Pristine, and she came over to help me bedazzle a pair of red high heels.

‘Where would you vanish to if you could click these together and they were really magic?’ I asked her.

She smiled sadly. ‘No idea. Lake Pristine doesn’t exactly feel like home yet.’

I took the glue from her hand and added some more red stones to the shoes. ‘Heart’s not here?’

She smiled at my question. ‘You’re a romantic, huh?’

I didn’t want to deny it any longer. ‘Incurable.’

She avoided my eyes and lifted the shoe I wasn’t gluing. ‘Don’t know if I have a heart any more. Maybe I should go with you as the Tin Man.’

I watched her as she busied herself. She was fascinating to me. There was such a guardedness to her. Most people didn’t seem to notice it because she was a constant flirt. I’d seen her charm people out of their wits for her own amusement.

But underneath it all, I wondered if she was tired. If anything was serious to her. If anything mattered behind the jokes, the flirtatious remarks, the batting lashes. I wondered why someone who made people laugh so heartily would think to call herself heartless. Her singing voice hinted at some of the truth. The beautiful, husky timbre that seemed to cast a spell on all who heard it.

I wanted to ask but I didn’t. I never did know the rules of friendship. I never knew when something was too soon or too late. I often found the latter to be the hardest part to predict; I never knew when to open up. People had usually pulled away by the time I felt ready.