Page 75 of Yearning Difficulties

Twenty-Six

Unrequited Love in French Literature

Today’s Track: ‘Real Emotional Girl’ by Randy Newman

I sat down in Mr Hamilton’s English class, my good deed done for the day.

‘Personal study discussions today,’ he said to us all, as he squinted at a document on his computer. ‘Who wants to sit in the hot seat first?’

I thought of Cherry and her Frankenstein essay. I wondered if she would choose Mary Shelley for her personal study. And I wished she was in this class with me. I could feel Killian glaring at the back of my head. The popular kids were all laughing at something near the far end of the classroom.

‘Let me phrase that a bit differently then,’ Mr Hamilton amended. ‘Has anyone actually started work on their personal study?’

Our Advanced Higher English class answered his question with defiant silence. He sighed, throwing me a pleading look. I tried to telepathically tell him that I really didn’t want to be called upon but it didn’t work. ‘Zella? Anything to kick us off?’

I braced myself. ‘I’ve only just started brainstorming.’

‘Great. Share with us what you’re thinking.’

I wanted to growl. But he was nice. And not all teachers were. ‘So, I’m thinking of writing about female friendships in nineteenth-century novels?’

I heard Sterling Cavendish snort from the back of the room but I ignored her.

‘Intriguing,’ Mr Hamilton said. ‘Keep going.’

Oh, how I didn’t want to keep going. ‘I’m thinking of spotlighting Austen. And the way she writes with an underlying commentary on friendship between women. There sometimes feels like an expectant solidarity, even in spite of lack of warmth. Like, love isn’t demanded but loyalty is.’

‘Expand.’

‘Lucy Steele in Sense and Sensibility, Caroline Bingley in Pride and Prejudice. They’re not girls’ girls and it feels like Austen is drawing attention to that. Their behaviour is showcased in opposition to the heroine’s. Even Emma Woodhouse as the main character in Emma sometimes behaves poorly towards other women. She has to learn to amend and atone, to adjust her thinking.’

‘Lucy Steele?’ Mr Hamilton had clearly not read Jane Austen in a while. ‘The woman who tells Elinor she’s engaged to Edward?’

‘The man Elinor loves. Yes.’

‘Isn’t she sort of nice?’

It took a lot of effort to avoid rolling my eyes. ‘No. That’s not how I interpret the text. She’s cruel. She’s cunning. Calculating. And she refuses to release Edward from a childish engagement which, given her financial situation, is maybe understandable in the beginning. However, when he honours their agreement but loses his wealth, she dumps him for a bigger, better deal. And even then, she holds on to the truth and taunts Elinor. She frees Edward but refuses to stop interfering in his and Elinor’s future happiness. Purely out of spite. If there’s another reason, Austen doesn’t let us see it.’

‘Times were maybe different then?’

Not so different. ‘Patriarchy is the cage they’re all trapped in, for sure. But I’ll compare her conduct to Charlotte’s in Pride and Prejudice. Same financial situation, same urgency to find some stability. Completely different ethics. Charlotte doesn’t hurt anybody in her – understandable – quest for survival. She’s practical without being Machiavellian.’

He gave me a satisfied nod. ‘Very good then. Keep at it!’

I looked down at my notes and scribbled something while he moved on.

I wouldn’t be a Lucy Steele. I wouldn’t cling on to Killian because of a contrived relationship that was never real. I wouldn’t warn off or taunt the girl he actually cared about.

I’d let him go. And hope that Jane Austen would be proud of me.

‘Sterling?’

‘Sir, I tried reading Jane Eyre like you suggested but it was so boring.’

My eyes almost bulged out of my head. Judging by Mr Hamilton’s face, and plenty of other people in the class, I wasn’t the only one outraged on Charlotte Brontë’s behalf.

‘All right,’ he said, his voice shaken. ‘That’s fine. Killian?’