Page 59 of Yearning Difficulties

‘I want to congratulate my beautiful girlfriend, our glorious reigning princess,’ Killian decreed.

There were murmurs of enthusiasm but I glared up at him. I knew him better. I knew there was mischief built into every time he chose to speak in public. His tongue was a cobra, and it was preparing to strike.

‘Zella Blass has been accepted into the very exclusive Bergery writing seminar,’ Killian went on.

A few people hummed in approval and Dad made a noise of delighted surprise.

‘Zee!’ he bellowed down the table. ‘You never said.’

I offered him a tight smile. ‘Yeah. Thanks, Kill. You can sit down now.’

He gave me a grimace. ‘I’m so proud of you, Red. You really earned it.’

‘Stop,’ I said before I could help myself. I got to my feet. We were both the only people standing, a long table stretched between us like a river of wood. ‘Stop it now. That’s so unfair.’

And then I realized. This was it. He was giving me a way out. This was the very messy, public breakup. He was giving me what I wanted. What we’d always planned for.

I forcibly pushed aside my hurt feelings and slipped into character.

‘If you’re mad at me for something, just say it.’

My words caused a few people to glance at one another. Silently questioning the turn in conversation. I wished we hadn’t fought. Then we could have rehearsed this. Worked out what to say to one another.

I looked up at him, waiting for his answer. To reveal the either real or imaginary reason he was angry with me so we could move into the separation. However, instead of rage, something unreadable entered his face.

‘I’m not mad at you.’

His words floated across to me and I had no idea what to do with them.

‘What?’ I said shakily.

‘I’m not mad at you,’ he said calmly. ‘I’m proud of you. For getting in. And for doing so well here.’

I narrowed my eyes at him. ‘And you’ve nothing else to say?’

‘Nope.’

‘Really? Nothing you’d like to, you know, publicly announce?’

‘Nope.’

The atmosphere was unbearably awkward now. I could feel everyone’s eyes darting between the two of us, flabbergasted. I wasn’t even sure what was going on myself.

‘I have nothing else to say tonight,’ Killian added, and I observed the way his eyes flashed to Dave and then back to me. ‘Nothing.’

And I understood. He wasn’t going to do it. He was testing me.

‘You said earlier you thought we should break up,’ I said bluntly. Accusingly.

People gasped and I suddenly felt like we were in some sort of tableau. No one was moving. As if they were afraid of disturbing either of us, causing an end to the performance.

‘Maybe I did,’ Killian murmured. ‘But I’ve changed my mind.’

I wanted to strangle him. ‘Well, I think it was maybe a good idea.’

‘No. It’s not. It’s a very bad idea, actually. I’m not letting you go. Sorry.’

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Dad raise a hand. ‘Guys. Maybe this should—’