Page 12 of Yearning Difficulties

‘I did as you asked. I put in a really good word for you with my dad. That’s why you got the knighthood.’

‘This sir thanks you.’

‘But I need a favour in return.’ I took an enormously deep breath. ‘I want to earn my way onto your mother’s writing seminar next term. I want that more than anything.’

His smile dropped. The room suddenly felt cold, like some of the colour had disappeared around him.

‘Oh,’ he said. ‘Yes. Okay.’

‘But the thing is,’ I went on, speaking as quickly as I could, clinging on to the tiny scrap of courage I’d found. ‘Everyone knows it’s nearly impossible for poor kids to get in. She’s big on connections. I hope you don’t mind me saying that. But I thought, since I helped you, maybe you can help me. Would you put in a good word on my behalf?’

The request had thrown him. He avoided my gaze, staring at the table and pressing the napkin firmly against his cut. When he finally spoke, he sounded lifeless.

‘You want to get into Mum’s seminar.’

Maybe he didn’t think I was talented enough. I suddenly felt a sting behind my eyes, and it made my voice hoarse when I spoke. ‘Yes. I’m good, Kill. In all the time you spent throwing things at my head, you must have picked up on that at least. I work hard.’

I paused. This wasn’t fun. I didn’t like asking for help – it went against every hypervigilant nerve that kept my body on constant edge. When I spoke again, I loathed how vulnerable I sounded.

‘But I don’t get invited to the right parties. I don’t . . . I’m not the kind of person she typically chooses. You could do me a real solid by mentioning my name to her.’

He nodded, glancing down at his palms. As Theo suddenly arrived with the milkshakes, Killian winced.

I frowned. ‘Are you okay?’

He still avoided my eyes, placing a fresh paper napkin to his neck. ‘Just the old wound playing up.’

Something in the atmosphere had switched and I, as usual, wasn’t being very adept at figuring out what it could be.

I tried to lighten the mood. ‘I thought it was just a scratch, you said?’

He made a small noise of amusement. Not quite a laugh. Just an answering sound. ‘Feels more like a wound now.’

‘Here.’ I started to rummage around in my tote. ‘I have this great witch-hazel cream—’

‘I’ll do it.’

I dropped my bag. ‘You will?’

He almost smiled at how surprised I must have looked. ‘Yeah. You got me my knight’s commission, after all.’

He meant to be jovial but his voice sounded husky. As though he were bored of being civil to me and itching to escape.

‘Thank you, Kill. I mean it. I guess you are a true friend.’

He sighed, glancing away from me. ‘Yeah. You’re welcome, Red. Friends it is.’

Five

Dress Rehearsal

Today’s Track: ‘House Where Nobody Lives’ by Tom Waits

I felt a rush of gratitude and relief all at once. I took a long sip from my drink and beamed at the furtive-looking person across from me.

‘Um.’ He glanced around the cafe, as if he needed to be somewhere else. ‘Come to our house tomorrow night. It’s Friday. Family dinner. You can meet Mum out of school. That would be best.’

I knew their house, of course. It was on the edge of the actual lake of Lake Pristine. A property developer had built four gorgeous mansions on the west side of the water, and Killian and his family had moved into one of them. They sat by the lake like half a dozen great birdcages and Dad always whistled whenever we would walk by.