Page 105 of Yearning Difficulties

My whole nervous system caught fire. The stranger was a tall young woman with a mass of black hair and enormous dark glasses. Even with casual clothes and an oversized hat, she was instantly familiar to me. I’d studied her picture and her interviews too many times to mistake her.

‘You’re Allegra Brooks?’

She gave me a polite smile. She wore dark red lipstick and smelled incredible. She was obviously used to being greeted by complete nobodies like me. ‘Nice to see you.’

‘I—’ I felt a thousand thoughts and wishes pushing to the front of my mind, shoving each other out of their way in their desperation to be said. ‘Thank you.’

Her eyebrows rose slightly. ‘For what, babe?’

I hesitated. But life was for the brave. ‘I figured out I’m autistic because of you. Your interviews . . . the way you talk about it. You put it all together for me.’

Her face broke into a radiant smile. I knew she was probably approached all the time, but this was something different. Something special.

‘What’s your name?’ she asked demurely.

‘Zella Blass.’

‘Nice to meet you, Zella Blass. And congratulations.’

No demand for proof. No doubt. No eye roll. Just warm acceptance.

I realized I didn’t know what I’d been so afraid of, all these years. ‘Thank you.’

She gave me a conspiratorial smile and pointed to the other side of the square. Outside Brooks Books was a tall and handsome man. He was leaning against the outer wall with his arms crossed and his eyes firmly fixed on Allegra.

‘See that gorgeous man?’ she said.

‘Yeah.’

‘I’ve been on a press tour for almost a month. If I don’t go over there in the next few seconds, he’s going to be exceedingly grumpy.’

I grinned at her. ‘Of course. Sorry.’

She lowered her shades and gave me a wink, which instantly made me laugh. She had a charisma that bubbled out of her whole body, like some kind of invisible, magic smoke. I’d never seen anything like it. She made me feel like we’d been friends for ever.

She nodded in farewell and started to cross the square. The man pushed off the wall and she broke into a light jog. He moved swiftly to scoop her up and she locked her legs around his waist. Watching them kiss made me feel like a voyeur. They were so blatantly in love.

George Brooks, her father, banged on the bookshop window from the inside, causing them to reluctantly pull apart. They grasped hands and headed inside, Allegra stopping to turn the shop sign from ‘Open’ to ‘Closed’ as they went.

It made me realize I had baking to finish.

Dave had been fired. He wouldn’t be playing the White Knight any more. The last show was to be between Killian, Anderson and me. I went to the makeshift stables just after fight call, carrying a small bag. I carefully opened one of Cyrano’s saddlebags, slipping the items inside. I was about to buckle the bag up again, when I heard voices just outside.

‘I just wish you’d been a bit more honest.’

It was Claire. Sounding hurt and slightly ornery.

‘I was, Claire. I told you we couldn’t be anything other than friends. I called you for a History assignment. Nothing more.’

Killian. Blunt and unabashed. I closed my eyes, wishing he could have been slightly easier with her.

‘You’re choosing her,’ Claire said, a little petulantly. ‘That’s basically what you’re saying. You’re choosing her.’

A pause. I waited but he didn’t say anything.

‘When exactly did you choose her?’ she persisted. ‘When was the moment? I thought . . . I really did.’

The pause after her words went on for so long, I wondered briefly if they’d actually moved away.