Page 10 of Yearning Difficulties

‘So if I win the joust—’

‘Which will be difficult, given you’re up against Dave or Anderson. Both were in the cast last year. They’ve got a ton of experience on you. Besides, it’s scripted. Black Knight always loses. He gets lanced, he loses. No trophy. No princess. Nothing.’

That same unreadable look fell across his face and he stared at me for a moment. Then, as if sensing that something was amiss, he quickly masked it.

‘Well, I’ll make up for that in fervour, Red. Don’t worry about that. I’ll win some other way.’

‘And don’t even think about going off-book. You start any more shit with Dave, you’ll be formally asked to leave court, if you know what I mean.’

‘I have a code to uphold, and his presence regularly violates it. So I can’t swear any oaths on that score.’

I shook my head, even more annoyed. ‘What do you have against him anyway? You barely know each other.’

His face grew serious again. He blew a dark curl out of his eyes and cast a look over to the ex-boyfriend in question. ‘He stole something from me and I need it back.’

I also glanced over to Dave, who was talking to the costume volunteers. ‘So go ask him for it.’

‘Not that easy, Red,’ he said coolly. ‘He doesn’t have it any more and he didn’t take good care of it, I’m afraid. It’s going to take real work for it to find its happiness again, so to speak. And for that, he has to pay.’

I barely heard him. I’d just seen that Dave had his arm around Sterling – the only friend of his who’d openly disliked me when we were together. I was sure she had a valid reason. Maybe it was my lack of eye contact. I found meeting people’s gazes so hard, as it would always remind me that I was being perceived. On the other hand, it always seemed like Sterling liked being looked at.

There was a reason that seeing her got my back up these days, even apart from Dave’s hand around her shoulders and the involuntary drop I still felt in my stomach due to it. But the fact was, she’d bragged early and often about her guaranteed spot on Dr Bergery’s writing seminar. She said her mother played bridge with her and it was already decided.

My parents didn’t have time to play bridge. Or go to bake sales.

Watching Sterling made me realize she always got what she wanted. Maybe it was time to go after what I wanted. I couldn’t just sit in the stands and watch; I had to actually pick up my sword and make a move. If childhood was coming to its end, I’d rather be a player than someone watching in the crowd.

I looked back at Killian. ‘Got five minutes to have a quick conversation about something?’

He blinked, some of the bravado in his face disintegrating. ‘Me?’

‘You’re the one I’m looking at.’

He was completely taken aback. But he swallowed and nodded.

‘Sure. Pete’s cafe?’

‘Done.’

I picked a quiet booth by the window and Killian slid into the seat across from me, clearly trying to appear as nonchalant as possible.

Theo Hannigan, a nice local kid, came over with a tiny notepad. ‘What are we having?’

Killian gestured to my side of the booth, silently prompting me to order first.

‘Banana milkshake,’ I said, giving Theo a bright smile.

‘Strawberry for me,’ said Killian. After Theo had taken our menus and left, he added, ‘I love red things.’

He expected me to roll my eyes or scowl at him, as I would have done in the past. Instead, I splayed my palms on the table and said, ‘I have a business proposition.’

He mirrored my body language. ‘Hit me with it. Unless you want to borrow my notes for Mercer’s class. You get slightly better scores than me, it wouldn’t help you.’

‘I don’t need to copy your notes, Bergery, and I’m marginally insulted by the insinuation,’ I said curtly. ‘I want something else from you.’

He swallowed. ‘Yeah?’

His voice sounded far deeper than normal. I suddenly spotted something on his skin, a sliver of scarlet. ‘You’ve got a cut on your neck.’